The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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I don't need help, just getting something off my chest.
When I started my job two years ago there was a woman who was onboarded at the same time. We didn't talk much at first, but after a while she started approaching me to ask questions. We became friendly and formed what I would describe as a tight orbit around each other. Whenever we were in the same area we would just naturally approach each other and talk about nothing. I learned more about her, we have a lot of the same interests in tv/movies, the outdoors, and health. We're both hard workers and respect each other.
I also learned that she has a son, and that she's unhappily married. Her husband cheated multiple times, and while she was willing to forgive the first, the subsequent affairs ended the marriage for her. They both care about their son enough to stay together and put up a pretense. She said if her son were younger she would leave, but he's attached to his father and expects to see him everyday. I feel bad for anyone in a situation like this, there aren't any good options.
At this point, it goes without saying that I have feelings for her, and it seemed to me that she felt the same. She's very playful and flirtatious. Sometimes she would just look at me and smile and giggle. She would compliment me, tell me how much she loved working with me. We went hiking together, just the two of us. When I asked her to go I expected she would say no or make some excuse, but she was enthusiastic. Sometimes she would say things that took me off-guard, like one time she told another woman (jokingly), "You see him, he is my bestie. Do not touch him. Do not talk to him. Do not even look at him."
While there were positive indications of interest, there were some negative ones as well. One time I helped her move some furniture, and she would not let me leave without taking money in compensation. During our hike, she said she wanted to go again as a group (from work), and she's suggested going to the movies "as a group."
The two of us being in this sort of sweet working friendship has been the holding pattern for the last year more or less. Some of the newer people at work think we're married. I want to make a move but it's very tricky. We're coworkers, so I don't want to push too hard and make things awkward at work. She has a family, so there's a potential disaster. Oh and here's something I haven't mentioned, I'm in a relationship myself. Long-term girlfriend, dead-bedroom, living together for financial reasons. (I'm trying to fix this) The whole situation is awkward as hell, but my feelings are too strong to be ignored.
What should I do here? The answer, it turns out, is nothing. Because she's fucking our boss. I found out this week.
Of course she's fucking our boss. Why wouldn't she? He's tall, black, charming and fit. She's a jilted woman, an ageing beauty, trapped in a dead marriage, suffering for the sake of her child, trying to get regain some passion and agency in her life. Plus there's the oh so hot power dynamics of superior/subordinate. I see the appeal and I don't blame her. He's the perfect choice for a revenge fuck, bravo. It just fucking sucks that I got myself emotionally involved in this.
My plan moving forward is to mind my own damn business, do my job, and work on my own problems. I'll ignore her as best I can and intensify my efforts to find a new (better) job, which I was already doing anyway.
You were in the holding pattern too long so she pivoted to her boss. You had your chance, sounds like she moved on. Better for you, in the end, because you’re not dating a single-mother divorcé.
Besides, what does him being black have to do with it, is she or her husband black?
I knew someone would call me out for that. :)
I just added that detail as another reason he's cooler/more desirable than me. There's a perception in America, true or not, that black males are more desirable as lovers. I suppose I could credibly be accused of racism here, but I just wanted to spice up the story.
If you're interested in the races involved; I'm white, she and her husband are Mexican.
I should also say, I'm not opposed to dating a single-mother divorcé. I'd like to have kids myself, and having a partner that already knows how to raise a child I view as a benefit.
This doesn’t pan out in the racial response/interest statistics from dating sites, which may be the best data we have. It is an element in pornography, considering you reference it as a tidbit to “spice” things up, it is more a porn-addict brain take than reality. White men receive the most attention on online dating, and you (white) seem to have been her primary interest prior to your failure to execute on her potential adultery.
At the risk of offense, I’d suggest you stop thinking like a woman and only date and marry a woman who can prioritize you and your first born child.
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