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Friday Fun Thread for October 27, 2023

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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You can't retvrn to anything without going back to seasonal produce, so what are your favourite homemade preserves? My preferred one is the lactofermented cabbage my grandma learned to make in Georgia, which is quite different from German, Polish or Russian sauerkraut. I still make it every year and I think I talk about it here every year as well. I mean, if NYT can do it with their plum cake, why not me? Here's the recipe:

What you'll need:

  • a head of cabbage that is white and juicy more than it's green and leafy, with no deep scores or gouges
  • a fist-sized beetroot per 1kg/2lbs of cabbage (I have small fists, tho)
  • two-three cloves of garlic per 1kg/2lbs of cabbage
  • chili powder or flakes if you like it hot
  • water (I use bottled water, about as much as your cabbage weighs)
  • salt (5% of water volume)
  • a knife, cutting board and some temporary vessels
  • a bucket or a big pot that you won't fill all the way to the top, a wide pan to put under it if it's not big enough
  • a plate that is a bit smaller than your pot and something heavy to weigh it down with
  • a pot to make the brine in
  • a cheesecloth or a large tea towel
  • large glass or clay jars with lids

Steps:

  1. Boil some water and scald all your utensils except the jars
  2. Peel and wash your beet, quarter it and slice it into fork-sized pieces
  3. Discard the outer leaves of your cabbage head until it's clean and cut off the dirty end of the stem
  4. Quarter the head and remove the rest of the stem
  5. Reserve a few large leaves, cut the quarter-heads into two-three pieces and disassemble them
  6. Peel and slice your garlic
  7. Put cabbage, sliced beet, garlic and chili into the pot/bucket
  8. Really go to town and mash the contents of the pot as hard as you can
  9. Cover them with the reserved leaves, tamp everything down again, cover the cabbage with the plate and place the weight on top of it
  10. Prepare the brine (remember, 5% salt by weight, 50g per 1l) in a separate pot and carefully pour it into the main pot/bucket, it should cover the plate
  11. Cover everything with a cheesecloth/towel and leave at room temperature for three days
  12. Despite your efforts to tamp it all down the cabbage will soften and reduce in volume, raising the level of the brine. That's why I told you to get a bigger pot or a bucket
  13. The surface of the brine should be clean, no scum or film should form on it, just some fermentation bubbles. Theoretically, you can salvage your cabbage by washing everything and replacing the brine, but I've never gotten a film and would just throw the batch away
  14. After three days remove the cloth, the weight and the plate. The brine should be pink from the beet and have a pleasant fermented smell. The cabbage will probably still look and taste very raw
  15. Boil some water and scald your mason jars
  16. Shove as much cabbage (including beets and stuff) as you can into every jar and top them off with brine
  17. Let the jars ferment in your root cellar or fridge for at least four more days or better a whole week before eating

Sounds complicated, but my recipe is just overly detailed. It's basically "cabbage, beets, garlic, 5% brine, 3 days warm, 4-7 days cold" for those who are familiar with fermentation.

Some pseudorationalist musings:

  • I should try the same recipe without beets and see if that makes any difference. I think all they provide is the attractive color (and some pickled beet slices in the mix), but they are also sweet and might speed up the fermentation since I'm not chopping the cabbage up into strands and macerating it with salt like in regular sauerkraut
  • I should try the same recipe, but with cucumbers. I love a good pickle, and the recipe should be practically the same, just with dill and horseradish instead of beet
  • Why do I transfer the cabbage to a cold environment after just three days? Theoretically, leaving it in the warm pantry to ferment should speed up the process, letting me have my sour cabbage in just five or six days. What are the tradeoffs?

I despise beets, but would be much more appreciative of the carrot version.

My favorite preserves were Grandma’s pear and especially apple butter. May she rest in peace.