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Notes -
I spoke to a friend earlier today. She could tell I was on the spectrum but found it hard to describe exactly what made it apparent to her. After talking a while, she said that I always paused before I said something, or before I smiled. It was probably that deliberateness that was a tell. She did make it clear that there was nothing I had done (or failed to do) that was offensive in any way, although I'm reasonably sure that there's proto-offensive shit that doesn't rise to the level of conscious thought and is difficult, but not impossible, to put into words. Ekman and his team might be able to do it.
I also don't think all that many people can put into words the things that I do or say that make people think I'm autistic, or that offend people. If I had to guess, maybe ten percent of psychiatrists or psychologists, and maybe one average person in a few hundred.
I still think that a true UMC gentleman - like aristocracy in ages past - has things that they are fundamentally willing to die over. Like, a lot of duels were fought over things like "honor". I'm well aware that there were plenty of off-ramps in the dueling process that allowed both participants to be satisfied gentlemen. In the case of pistol duels the duelists didn't always shoot straight, and dueling pistols weren't usually that accurate. Even so, quite a few promising young gentlemen met a premature end on the dueling ground.
As a Hockist: perhaps a decent ideal to strive for is better to die than do your utmost to be graceful. It seems fitting and proper for an awkward person to adopt this as an ideal...at least until he is no longer awkward. The Hock is an idiotic and meaningless way to prove that I've got a high level of grit and determination.
I'm also guessing that many of you would think that my view of the 'UMC gentleman' - or the 'petty aristocracy' he described of people with two college educated parents - is out of whack and some fever-dream cross between Japanese bushido and what we think Victorian-era gentlemanly conduct was. And that if pressed, maybe a couple of awkward UMC dudes in a hundred would go on the Hock even if they were guaranteed to not be awkward after.
What's your take?
Let me see if I have this correct: "Rather than try hard to have charm, poise, cool, grace, one should die." ???
This is counterintuitive and nonsensical to me. What is the problem with trying to "have grace?" or "be graceful?" Am I not following your terms here? And how is this related to class, or the aristocracy? Isn't part of class grace? Why is death preferable? If someone is charmless or awkward, should they just die and rid us of their awkward presence? That kills off most all of the world's teenagers, male and female.
It's likely I'm misunderstanding. Clarify if you're so inclined.
hmm. The hock is indirectly going to help me have charm, poise, and cool. After you've almost died in the fucking alaskan wilderness, a lot of things seem trivial by comparison. I hope I'll be more determined, more conscientious, and less neurotic. I suppose it'd be good if the least graceful five percent or so of teenagers decided to undertake a challenge as dangerous as the Hock, although everyone rolls their own Hock. Doesn't have to be wilderness, even.
No it won’t. Go to chilis and strike up political conversations with random other tables. Mentor at risk youth. Start teaching yourself a new language and frequent pool halls that do business in it. Something to interact with people you have nothing in common with until you develop enough cool to have a hitchhiker’s towel effect on grace, charm, and all the rest.
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