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Wellness Wednesday for September 21, 2022

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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Great to hear you're doing well. I can relate to a lot of this, went through something similar during my maturation to manhood.

Also... do you think it's healthy to relish destroying another person's relationship? Is that what god would want?

I'm still not a man, for that I'll need to voluntarily take up pain and suffering only to withstand it and finally overcome only do it with higher quantities daily. Ersnt Junger like there. All this happiness should be enough fuel.

My adventures with women is the only thing I do where I do not take God's name. As far as sleeping with women in relationships goes, every girl I sleep with or even engage in any kind of degenerate behaviour in with is not chaste. She would cheat with someone else, might as well do it with me.

I wouldn't have done it had she been chaste and we're all in our early 20s.

It's hard to describe, I should not want bad for others but somehow I sense she'll always be this way or in reality I won't be alright until I sleep with her.

She would cheat with someone else, might as well do it with me.

I understand this thought, I personally felt the same way for many years. To put it another way, I ultimately realized that I didn't care too much about the girl but that I lost respect for myself when I indulged in this sort of dalliance.

I generally think it's healthy to try and respect monogamous relationships. Then again I have a typical white western viewpoint so not sure if yours is different in this regard.

You mention not following god with regards to this topic, does that mean Hinduism has a similar rule to "thou shalt not covet another man's wife?"

no, it is a sin but a forgivable one, most indians are not hindu, at least not like me. They are actively ashamed of their own religion and are the cause for our low position in society, I do not think that doing anything to the outgroup is viewed as severely as being done to the ingroup. I may get over her the moment I move out to the large town i desire to as then I would have abundance and logistics both but I still do wish for her.

I dunno, it is hard to describe, maybe by the time i meet her, she may be single again, she may not even be in a relationship given this is second hand info.

Fair point! Well hey again I wish you well on your journey. I think it’s great you’re defending your culture and heritage, it is definitely a shame. I personally find India culture quite fascinating.

May be a throwaway point, but I’ll say the thing that helped me deal with my issues towards women was learning to dance. Personally I did ballroom/swing etc, but dancing in general is an excellent hobby. Very high value, partner dance especially has a lot of traditional gender roles, plus it’s a creative and physically demanding hobby. Might be worth giving it a shot.

I want to learn the Melbourne shuffle personally before I shift to more trad things like kathak. I really like the energy of Melbourne shuffle but for now, need to become competent.