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I'm just going to say that I do not believe you are a "former leftist and atheist who's cringing at other atheists." This looks like the umpteenth iteration of a particular persona who keeps returning here.
The rejoinder you are complaining about is indeed a certain kind of smug gotcha line that's kind of cringe, but it's a rejoinder to an equally smug and cringeworthy argument. When theists try to play gotcha like that, they invite gotchas in return. This is why atheists who've gotten over their "arguing with evangelicals" phase usually aren't interested in that kind of debate. I'm fine actually talking about why I do or do not believe in God. But the sort of Christian who uses the "How can you be moral without God?" argument (usually followed by some variant of "You don't actually believe there is no God, you're just pretending") isn't interested in genuine discussion, but in seeing who can win the gotcha contest.
I think your Lizzo/Muslim analogy is kind of ridiculous. I don't personally care whether or not Ayan Hirsi Ali really believes in Christianity, but I can see why actual believers would care if someone is just wearing Christianity as a skin suit. You are overthinking the attraction to Islam; it's been pointed out here plenty of times that the left's infatuation with Islam isn't because of any intrinsic qualities of Islam (if it were practiced mostly by white people, they'd be condemning it as a Bronze age death cult). It's purely and solely because Islam is mostly practiced by brown third-worlders.
Well, I am interested in what basis do atheists build their moral foundations, if any. Generally it turns out to be some form of utilitarianism, if they have one, and I go "Oh, okay" because I'm not that convinced by utilitarianism. The ones that don't have any really considered basis just seem to tend to assume that it's in the water or the air that we'll be nice to each other, or concerned about the marginalised, or whatever, and they very vehemently deny that they are living off the remainder of the cultural Christian capital that formed such sentiments originally.
The ultimate basis of morality is our evolved brain structure. We have empathy that causes us to feel others' pain as our own and logic that allows us to deduce the consequences of our actions. everything else - from theology to utilitarianism - is just tinkering at the edges. In the final analysis I am a good person because when I do bad things I feel bad.
Yes I will agree that modern western culture is evolved from Christianity. This is evident in how compatible the Christian religion is with the modern Secular state. but it clearly isn't Christianity (alone) which brought us to where we are. For example, Nietzsche characterized Christianity as 'slave morality' but even that didn't stop Christian cultures keeping slaves for centuries - if anything slavery by Christian cultures was nastier than the slavery practiced by classical cultures that had no theological reason to spurn the practice. I think a genuine belief in a deity has a fairly marginal effect on how 'good' someone is.
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