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I'm just going to say that I do not believe you are a "former leftist and atheist who's cringing at other atheists." This looks like the umpteenth iteration of a particular persona who keeps returning here.
The rejoinder you are complaining about is indeed a certain kind of smug gotcha line that's kind of cringe, but it's a rejoinder to an equally smug and cringeworthy argument. When theists try to play gotcha like that, they invite gotchas in return. This is why atheists who've gotten over their "arguing with evangelicals" phase usually aren't interested in that kind of debate. I'm fine actually talking about why I do or do not believe in God. But the sort of Christian who uses the "How can you be moral without God?" argument (usually followed by some variant of "You don't actually believe there is no God, you're just pretending") isn't interested in genuine discussion, but in seeing who can win the gotcha contest.
I think your Lizzo/Muslim analogy is kind of ridiculous. I don't personally care whether or not Ayan Hirsi Ali really believes in Christianity, but I can see why actual believers would care if someone is just wearing Christianity as a skin suit. You are overthinking the attraction to Islam; it's been pointed out here plenty of times that the left's infatuation with Islam isn't because of any intrinsic qualities of Islam (if it were practiced mostly by white people, they'd be condemning it as a Bronze age death cult). It's purely and solely because Islam is mostly practiced by brown third-worlders.
Well, I am interested in what basis do atheists build their moral foundations, if any. Generally it turns out to be some form of utilitarianism, if they have one, and I go "Oh, okay" because I'm not that convinced by utilitarianism. The ones that don't have any really considered basis just seem to tend to assume that it's in the water or the air that we'll be nice to each other, or concerned about the marginalised, or whatever, and they very vehemently deny that they are living off the remainder of the cultural Christian capital that formed such sentiments originally.
It's not an unfair question in itself. I was responding to the OP's complaint about the classic dialog:
Theist: "If you don't believe in God, what keeps you from murdering people?" Atheist: "Are you saying that it's only your belief in God that keeps you from murdering people?"
Obviously, that dialog does not result from either side having a genuine interest in the underpinnings of the other's morality.
I'd argue that retort serves a very useful purpose: Most theists haven't thought much about their moral foundations beyond "because god said so" and it might be the first time they've ever had to consider that. My dad can't even model what it would hypothetically be like to not believe in god. He just can't grok how an atheistic mind works re: morals or gratitude (and it's not because he isn't genuinely interested).
Most self-described atheists I know are the type of person who has actually considered some moral philosophy.
And I gotta say it's hilarious when Christians pull out the "[nontheists] are living off the remainder of the cultural Christian capital that formed such sentiments originally" line when so much of Western Culture, like say freedom of conscience, came about directly from Christians having to figure out how to stop killing each other. Secularism was a compromise.
There's no question Christianity has influenced Western Culture, but I rarely see Christians willing to talk about how much of "Traditional Christianity" had to be shaved off to get to where we are the last few centuries.
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