Be advised; this thread is not for serious in depth discussion of weighty topics, this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
EdenicFaithful Dark Wizard of Ravenclaw
1yr ago
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Friday Fun Thread for September 23, 2022
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I'm in love
I've got butterflies in my stomach, and bees in my bonnet, I'm giggling like a schoolgirl despite being a hairy 6 foot tall man, well past the age where I could sneak into a high school and hope to avoid notice haha.
She's lovely, the more we talk, the more I feel like she was sculpted from clay just for me, with a few little imperfections just so they won't realize an angel went missing and send someone to recall her. She's 3 years older, not that I mind because a childhood spent locked up in a Christian-run school has left me with a MILF complex haha; though I'd have believed her if she said she was 18, and she can sneak into class anytime she pleases.
She's really smart, funny, and most importantly, laughs at my shittiest jokes and looks at me like I'm the only one in the world after I make them. That's shortly before she grabs me by the beard and pulls me in for a smoldering kiss that leaves me gasping for breath and one more for the road.
I wake up slightly terrified that this was all a dream, a figment of my imagination conjured up by stress and fatigue from my marathon-length sprint for a medical licensing exam. I've only felt this way once before, for a girl I loved long and deep for an unfairly long length of time, before I realized that she wasn't at all the person I had built up in my head.
They look similar too, they could have been sisters, both of them petite and with eyes I could gaze into till mine went dry and dusty. But she's fierce, a fighter, confident and assured, she's got her ducks in a row and and her feet planted on Terra Firma. I stand behind her with a proud smile on my face when she haggles with random street vendors, and then I hug her when she looks so proud of her bargaining skills, even as the poor shopkeeper wonders bemused why he ever agreed to sell half his wares at a loss. Lucky that I have nothing to sell to her, if she asked nicely I'd give her everything for free.
I adore everything about her, from her nails, ragged as they are from being bitten, to her hair, still frizzy from chemo, to her tiny, barely there dimples when she smiles before standing on tiptoe to kiss me long and hard. When she told me that the first she kissed me, she'd stopped listening to my passionate lecture on the musth secretions of elephants long ago, and was looking all adoring because I was so cute, I was both embarrassed and wanted to curl up in a ball and die of happiness. Half the reason I'm laying it all out in a public forum is to leave a record of how I feel in the moment, one I can look back to in a few years with either a smile or a small tear in my eyes.
I really hope this works out, I've never been so lovesick in my life, I genuinely want to be a better person, the kind of person she deserves and needs.
We're going to be living together in the UK for a month soon, that's a trial by fire for any relationship, let alone one this brand new. But guys I'm really hoping that it works out, that this is it, and I wish everyone finds someone that makes them feel this way, love really is a helluva drug.
Tell us about these panty-dropping elephant musth secretions.
Bwahaha, all I can say is that being a genuine nerd can be sexy at times, you just need to find someone who cares (easier said than done!).
I was waxing eloquent on elephant culture, we were pretty sloshed by then, as much as a calf trying to use the waterhole for the first time. I have no idea how that topic even came up, but it was hardly the most esoteric thing we discussed that day in the bar, hardly even top 5 material.
If anyone wants to try it (no warranty provided implied or otherwise), I was talking about the phenomenon of juvenile delinquency displayed by adolescent male elephants after being orphaned, and left without a single older male in their herd after poachers struck. They went wild and aggressive, attacking calves, and even murdering rhinos for sport.
The solution to that was to ship in a few adult males, who came by and whipped the teens into shape like an uncle restraining some kids on a bender. I'm pretty sure I was making a compelling argument about the similarity to humans who were raised in the absence of proper father figures, but if there was a final point being reached, it was swiftly derailed when she grabbed my goatee and pulled me in for a kiss that sucked all the air out of my lungs and probably the room.
I was so happy that I wasn't even deflated when she said she'd stopped paying attention several minutes ago, and was just admiring the sheer passion and animation with which I was discussing elephant graveyards and toxic masculinity in pachyderms (anyone needs to name their band?).
She's a keeper, that's for sure. Maybe an elephant keeper, now that I think about it <3
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