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Once upon a time, many ages ago, a race of Octopodes spread far and wide across the ocean. They expanded their reach not through the length or strength of their tentacles but by the brightness of their mind, for these Octopodes were the most gifted of all creatures beneath the waves, and neither fish nor whale could match them in wits.
One tribe, a stock exposed to the grueling and savage waters of the North Sea, grew even cleverer than the rest. These Octopodes banded together in a vast Kingdom where they made machines, powered by thermal energy from the ocean floor, to work for them. They built great cities made of reef and coral, where surface-scrapers stretched from the deepest and darkest trenches to the edge of the known world. They conquered North and South, East and West, and spread their molluscan monarchy over the globe. All marine life, and all other Octopodes, were cast down to become their chattel or cattle.
Like many of their kind, though, these Octopodes were semelparous – meaning their females reproduced once and died immediately postpartum. Few rejoiced at this fate, but even fewer questioned it: it was the way of life and the way things had always been and the order which the God of the Sea had set. Besides that, the female Octopodes were weaker and smaller than their male counterparts, and altogether dependent on them. Much like the water in which they swam, they never really gave it any thought.
However, one day, when the opulent and powerful Kingdom had reached a new height of opulence and power, the female Octopodes petitioned the King for redress. Many social issues had been solved through careful statecraft, they argued, yet there still remained the question of just compensation for semelparity. Surely the female Octopodes deserved greater recognition and freedom for this ardous service which they had rendered? A little equality, that could not be too much to ask given their contribution? The King was a reasonable octopus, and every reform proposed was backed by arguments founded on well-recognized principles of justice. He therefore gave his consent. Year by year the Octopodettes were emancipated from every social constraint that had once bound them and from every aspect of what they once were; and the Kingdom and its treasury became more of a husband to them than their own husbands ever were or could ever be.
Gradually and subtly, in a shift that caught many off-guard, the female Octopodes in the Kingdom stopped reproducing. ‘Why,’ they replied when questioned by dismayed suitors, ‘should we bear forth children in sorrow and pain? Would you if you were us? We are free now to choose our own fate. Who are you to question our choice?”
Some of the more simple-minded Octopodes were alarmed by this sentiment. ‘Shouldn’t we do something?’ they asked the King when he held court. ‘Clearly something has gone awry. At this rate, we’re headed for extinction!’ The King was unnerved by this warning, but his most elite Octopode experts, advisers whom he had come to hold in the highest of regards, were of a different mind.
‘That’s absurd!’ they rejoined. ‘It’s evidently impossible for a species to drive itself extinct through non-reproduction: the laws of evolution and demography forbid it. Our population might shrink for now, but in the long run the most fertile female Octopodes will outbreed their barren sisters. The daughters and sons of the fecund will then issue forth as a new generation of Octopodes more fertile than any before it. The future is bright!’
The supreme Octopode thinkers were, of course, quite right. There were indeed many Octopode children still born – born to the most insipid and least conscientious mothers, the select few so feeble in mind or lacking in impulse control that the prevention of their own misery was too challenging an intellectual goal. In a generation or two this subset swelled its numbers beyond count, overwhelming whatever elderly remnants of the smarter Octopode stock remained. The Kingdom, with its splendorous cities and meticulous order and marvelous technology, all of which had taken many centuries of effort to build, was lost to ignorance in three or four short decades; and the Age of the Octopodes came crashing down.
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The descendants of these eight-armed overlords still roam the depths. They live much as any other marine animal, eking out a living as best they can. If you glimpse them from a distance it is exceedingly hard to tell them apart from any other mollusc. Yet look closely and you can spot a keen glint in their squinting eyes, like a spark of truth from a tale long lost – a spark in remembrance of a realm that once was.
Hence, I say
यः धर्मम् परित्यज्य श्रिसुखम्हितेच्छय स दुःखं गच्छेत् न संशयः अष्तबहुभर्तामुढयथा
Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.
Transnational Thursday is a thread for people to discuss international news, foreign policy or international relations history. Feel free as well to drop in with coverage of countries you’re interested in, talk about ongoing dynamics like the wars in Israel or Ukraine, or even just whatever you’re reading.
The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
This thread is for anyone working on personal projects to share their progress, and hold themselves somewhat accountable to a group of peers.
Post your project, your progress from last week, and what you hope to accomplish this week.
If you want to be pinged with a reminder asking about your project, let me know, and I'll harass you each week until you cancel the service.
Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.
Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.