Awarenesss
1mo ago
Can you post screenshots of the convos?
Awarenesss
1mo ago
I try to turn "normie" topic into deeper convos but it never sticks, and I can't tell if it's me or them. (I'm the common link, but they are also similar people, so it's difficult to tell.)
Ending boring conversations is something I can do better at. I'll have to practice ending them so as to not leave a sour taste in either of our mouths.
Awarenesss
1mo ago
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The problem lies in I may not always get the choice. We're going to a house party or bar if my girlfriend wants to go (not that she's unreasonable in wanting to go there!). This is what makes me want to fix this issue.
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I like the sharing idea. Maybe an activity or game could also work.
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I have a history of being slightly reliant on substances to help ease social anxiety, so I will be avoiding this one. I think it can definitely work for some people.
Awarenesss
1mo ago
I strongly agree with your "people rarely change" statement and that's the attitude I have. I have tried to change the incentive structure for Bob by highlighting his massive shortcomings to Charlie, but to no avail as stated. I'll continue to brainstorm other ways.
Awarenesss
1mo ago
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I cannot do for stated reasons.
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If Bob messes up, I potentially pay a lot for it in the form of work-life balance or reputation (even if it's Bob's fault, my name may still be attached to the mess-up).
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Grass is always greener and I love my job. It seems the world is full of Charlies and Bobs. I wonder how the frequency changes based on size, prestige, etc.
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I think this is the only option based on everything I've tried over the past year. Any advice here?
Awarenesss
1mo ago
Because we are "supposed to be a team" and "supposed to help each other out". There's no refusing to work on things here because other people are incompetent. (Kind of crazy to say that out loud!) The nuances are difficult to explain over text.
Two more examples to help paint a picture:
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Parts regularly fail on our tools and it is our responsibility to make sure we have them in stock, including parts that have never failed before. If I asked Bob to ensure we have stock of part1, but he doesn't do that and that part fails on my tool, then I'm still responsible—it doesn't matter that Bob's tools also use the part.
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If Bob made a system-wide change and that messed up my tools, I would still be responsible and have to report out on it. I've been reprimanded before for "throwing others under the bus", despite it clearly and fully being their fault.
Awarenesss
1mo ago
Bob’s fuckups can affect me greatly. For example, if he doesn’t put documentation in place for the tools of his that I’m not familiar with and they break while he is unavailable, I’m stuck cleaning it up. Other projects he works on may negatively affect the entire fleet of tools, in some cases forcing me to answer despite it being his fault. And yes, I know this sounds ridiculous.
We have a new manager coming on that I’m hopeful will change things.
Awarenesss
1mo ago
It just sounds that way. 26 years old and well into professional life.
Awarenesss
1mo ago
TLDR: I have a lazy, incompetent coworker that will not change his ways and my boss won't do anything about. My company is known for not firing incompetent people. How do I become okay with this?
Background
I work in a fast-pace manufacturing facility as an equipment engineer. Bob, my coworker in the same group, owns tools A-M and I own tools N-Z. We help each other's tools when one of us is out of the office. Our job is to make sure our tools are performing well and when they are, find ways to further improve the performance through projects. There is substantial overlap between our tools, but not 100%.
Problem
Bob is lazy and technically inept to the point that I do not allow him to make changes without my approval (this isn't official, but I just stonewall him until his laziness takes over). He did not complete any meaningful projects in 2023. He is difficult to work with due to his gruff and stubborn personality. During our group-wide weekly progress check-ins he only has excuses as to why he made no progress. He makes other people do his work for him.
This laziness can affect me when Bob is tasked with something that affects the entire group because either a) he will do it incorrectly, forcing me to go back and correct it, or b) won't do it at all/requires constant follow-ups. In the end it's just safer, better, and faster if I do it myself, thus putting more work on me and further enabling his laziness.
I have brought this up to our very-conflict-adverse manager, Charlie, on a regular basis over the past year and consistently get told he will talk to Bob, only for nothing to change. I've expressed my grievances in a lot of ways but to no avail. It's fucking infuriating and causes me major stress.
Solution?
Is this just something I have to get over? How do I get over this? Is there some Machiavellian tactic I can pull to force Bob to work harder or get fired altogether? (Although I'm scared about him working harder on technical projects due to the aforementioned ineptitude.) I've tried and tried and tried to become okay with this, but the situation completely contradicts my life philosophy that everyone should pull their weight in a group and live up to a certain standard of performance, both of which are being grossly violated by Bob (and Charlie, too, by not enforcing anything).
Awarenesss
1mo ago
I get a bit anxious in big groups where I don't know many of the people. The anxiety gets worse if the people are considered high status or "popular" in the high school/college sense (e.g., more attractive, partiers, frat guys, that kind of vibe). Examples of big group environments are popular bars and house parties (again, it gets worse with high status or so-called popular people).
Modesty aside, I'm fairly witty, sharp, and interesting when I'm around people I'm comfortable with, but I clam up when put in the aforementioned environments.
Things I've done to make it better:
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Act like the person I'm talking to is already my friend
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Find a way that I'm higher status than them
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Convince myself that I don't care about the outcome of this interaction
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Put myself in these situations more
Things I'm working on to make it better:
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Improving my ability to talk to everyone, regardless of the topic. I mostly enjoy deep, intellectual convos and don't keep up with pop culture, sports, etc. I find surface-level convos boring and tend to detach myself if we move down that path. Maybe there's a minimum amount of "normie" (I hate that word, but you get the idea) topics I should keep up with?
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Putting myself in these situations more
Any other suggestions are welcome!
Awarenesss
1mo ago
What are your unique date ideas? I keep a repository and am always looking for more. Here are a few of my top ideas:
Fake Sick Day
Call in sick to work and go spend a day on the town. Activities may include (shout out to LA for half of these):
- Dress undercover and drive by offices for the thrill
- Nature-y park for reading and charcuterie board
- Dinner at a nice restaurant
- Anything from Ferris Bueller's Day Off
- Anything where it's normally super crowded on a weekend
Long Night Out
Book the cheapest round-trip flight you can find that leaves on Friday night and returns Saturday (or Saturday-Sunday). Go live up the destination city as hard as possible for those 24 hours. No sleep, no accommodations. Better bring a portable phone charger. Good city destinations include Chicago, Las Vegas, New Orleans, and Atlanta. And yes, you'll be flying Frontier or Spirit.
Conditions:
- Only fanny packs (men) or purses (women) allowed
- You cannot book a hotel
- Renting a car is fine
Fashion Week
Create your own [city you live in] fashion week outfit. There are three paths:
- Find inspiration from New York or Paris fashion week outfits, then order online accordingly
- Head to the nearest thrift store and make do with what they have there
- Combination (preferred): Get inspiration, then go to the nearest thrift store
Imposing a spending limit is a good idea because it keeps pressure low and forces creativity. You can dress up similarly to your partner or completely different. Double date (or more) recommended.
Blind Dinner
Option 1 is to find a place intentionally serving a blind dinner where all guests are blinded. These generally cost a pretty penny.
Option 2 is to call ahead to a place and explain to them your intention, ask them to choose a few items for you, then show up and put the blindfolds on. This requires significant trust and ability to withstand social judgment.
Option 3 is unilateral: one partner makes the meal while the other is blindfolded.
Scavenger Hunt
- Choose a part within or walkable area of the city
- Hide a couple of fun things throughout: food (candy), drink (shooters, beers, small bottles of wine), toys (Chinese finger traps, water guns, Nerf guns)
- Create a poem, map, or list of hints for where to find the items:
- Go hunting!
Adult Prom
- Make dinner reservations at a nice restaurant, preferably Italian
- Get dressed up in prom attire. Women wear long dresses and men wear suits or tuxedos.
- Take pictures at scenic spot
- Take an Uber Black to the restaurant
- Eat, drink, and be merry
- Go dancing (bonus points for dancing in the restaurant)
Food Crawl Trying different offerings of the same dish is fun. Different restaurants offer different takes on the same entree and provide different atmospheres to enjoy them in.
- Choose a food that both people like and is easily shareable. Good options include:
- Burgers
- Sushi
- Pizza
- Tacos
- Dessert (smaller portions required)
- Find a place within the city that is easily walkable
- Find multiple (two or three) restaurants that are within the area
- Make reservations (as needed and available) at each
- One hour or slightly less per restaurant is good
- Eat at place1, walk to place2, eat at place2, etc.
- Alternate who chooses the option at each place or agree together
Awarenesss
2mo ago
The “average” part refers to my current life situation and income level, not the financially independent part :)
Awarenesss
2mo ago
How are you changing your investment/savings strategy as AI timelines get shorter? I’m still in my boring ol’ index funds but have decreased my savings rate down by 5-10%.
I know very little economics, but the popular sentiment seems to be that interest rates will get very high and raw capital will be incredibly important in a post-AGI world. Does this matter for the average person like me who just wants to be financially independent in his 40s?
Awarenesss
2mo ago
Have you tried intentionally progressing your exposure therapy methods? I keep a list of progressive exercises:
Go out in a public place
Go out in a popular, crowded public place (bar, club, restaurant, sports game)
Make eye contact with a person
Smile at a person
Ring the bell on a bicycle to get through (source)
Ask a person what time it is
Comment on a post in a large online forum
Comment on a post in a small online forum
Call the waiter in a crowded restaurant (source)
Call a close family member
Call a close friend
Call a distant family member
Call a distant friend
Disagree with a person
Leave and re-enter a movie theater during the movie while seated in the middle of a row (source)
Call a business to ask a question or place an order
Ask a question during a work meeting (source)
Cold email someone
Publish a standalone post on a large online forum
Publish a standalone post on a small online forum
Delegate a task to a person
Cold call someone
Admit being wrong in private
Admit being wrong in public
Present at work (source)
Ask for abnormal accommodations at a business (keeping a large water bottle at the table for self-refills, etc)
Ask what tipping customs are when in a foreign country
Send food back because it wasn't correct or is very poor quality
Ask for things (cigarettes, lighter, money, borrow a phone)
Sing in public (karaoke, on the street, etc)
Dance in public
Go to a foreign country without speaking the language well
Compliment a person
Walk backwards slowly in a crowded street for three minutes (source)
Cold approach a person
Ask a person playing music out loud or having a conversation on speaker to put headphones in or turn off speaker
Ask multiple people in a specific and obvious location (e.g., right outside XXX Park, or a T stop) where to find that location (“Excuse me, I am looking for XXX Park”) (source)
Wear a shirt backward and inside out and buttoned incorrectly in a crowded store (source)
Dance or sing in the street or subway wearing attention-grabbing clothing (source)
Recite “Twas the Night Before Christmas” in the subway platform (source)
Approach group of people at bar or restaurant and ask if you can practice a best man’s toast (source)
Tell someone at bookstore that you don’t know how to read and ask them if they can read the back cover to you (source)
Ask a staff member in bookstore for their opinion about whether to buy the Kama Sutra or the Joy of Sex, have a long conversation about this, buy the books and then return them immediately (source)
Enter a food establishment and interrupt people asking if they own a silver Camry because their car is being towed (source)
Go to every table in a crowded restaurant asking for Joe Smith (source)
Go to a fast food restaurant and only order water, then spill the water, clean it up, and stay in the restaurant (source)
Go to a hotel. Have the patient conduct a long conversation with the concierge about romantic vacation packages (asking about in-room massages, arranging horse-drawn carriage ride, etc.), book a package, and then cancel for no reason except changing their mind (source)
Pay for an embarrassing item with change, and then state that you don’t have enough and leave the store (source)
Initiate conversations with/tell jokes to strangers in bookstore while wearing hair in a side ponytail with bandages on face (source)
Attend a multi-level marketing pitch and saying no
Cold approach and flirt with a person
Cold approach and flirt with a person with the intention of getting their contact information
Go to a random person's house and ask if you can cook them dinner in their house
Go to a foreign country without speaking the language at all
Perform stand-up comedy
Awarenesss
5mo ago
the real issue with housing prices only actually happened in 5 specific counties
Do you have a source for this? I couldn't find anything on Google.
Awarenesss
7mo ago
Atlas Obscura has lists of "cool, hidden, and unusual" things to do in cities. Just google "Atlas Obscura [city name]" for the link.
Food tours are a good way of testing out the city's gastronomy while learning some history along the way.
Awarenesss
1yr ago
I like the meal idea. C is an excellent chef and enjoys cooking for others, so that shouldn't be too much of an issue. The other rules are a good idea.
Awarenesss
1yr ago
Just a main living room and loft area. All of us are employed: I'm gone 630-5, OCF will be 8-5, C is WFH, and CGF is WFH/office hybrid, so we won't see each other too much.
Awarenesss
1yr ago
There is a half bathroom he can use, but showering/getting ready would be mine. I've also thought about this and have yet to actually speak to him about it. I plan to take a hefty amount off the monthly rent I'm charging.
Awarenesss
1yr ago
Three of my best friends will be moving in with me in the next two months: my cousin (C), my cousin's girlfriend (CGF), and my oldest childhood friend (OCF). C and CGF haven't met my OCF, and while they will get along, I don't expect them to be friends. C and CGF are there short-term while they look for another place to live and sort out their job situations. OCF will likely be there long-term.
Both rooms are upstairs with one full bathroom to share. I will ask OCF to use my bathroom in the master bedroom so C and CGF can have some privacy.
I see this as a risky, yet rewarding venture: we can have a really awesome time, but I may also get incredibly annoyed with them. Looking for a few thoughts and suggestions on house rules and maintaining friendships, whether it's from personal experience or literature.
Current house rules:
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I'll meet with everyone and see what's important and virtually non-negotiable to each of them (clean kitchen, quiet hours, etc)
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Social offers met with "no" should not be questioned (e.g., "Hey wanna do X", "No, thanks", "Okay, no problem!")
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Let people know when you're having others over
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Pets (CGF's one cat) should only be taken care of by the owner (with special exceptions as needed)
Awarenesss
1yr ago
I am interested in trying modafinil after reading Gwern's article. I am not able to obtain it illegally, so I am only left with getting a prescription.
Is there a suggested way to get a doctor to specifically prescribe me modafinil? It seems like going in and saying "I have X symptoms and want to be prescribed modafinil" is sketchy, while saying "I have X symptoms, can you prescribe me something" leaves it open to interpretation and possibly something other than modafinil. Are there online pharmacies I can visit?
(Apologies if I overlooked or misunderstood a rule.)
Awarenesss
1yr ago
Most of the Indian restaurants I've visited have an online ordering option. If not, I'd ask an Indian friend to order for me.
Agreed on the palate cleansing. I think a small dose of food plus milk will be fine. We'll see at the first try.
Awarenesss
1yr ago
I've seen that at Thai restaurants, but not the Indian places in my area.
I do want to blind it. Thanks for the design suggestion!
Awarenesss
1yr ago
I have, but that's not the point of my experiment. I want to see if they are discriminating against non-Indians without being asked to increase the spice.
Do you have a source on said underhanded tactics?
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