OverexertIvyClosure
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User ID: 2912
OverexertIvyClosure
2mo ago
Did you have some sort of insurance with limited session coverage?
OverexertIvyClosure
2mo ago
Hope is the thing that kills me.
When I say that I'm single and having trouble, friends of mine always say "but you're so attractive, you should be killing it on Tinder/Hinge." This drives me literally insane. Men sometimes think I'm handsome, but women absolutely do not. I have empirical proof of this. I have A/B tested it on the dating apps; I have compared my match rates to others; I have heard the tiny handful of matches I got explicitly say "nah, you're not attractive enough to go out on a date with." I am ugly. Stop telling me I am not. It makes me really angry because I then have to answer why I'm such a failure even though I "should " succeed. So yeah, I'm sure it worked out for you and I'm happy for you. But saying stuff like this just makes me sadder about how I can't make it work.
Hence why I want to accept the truth of reality and move on.
OverexertIvyClosure
2mo ago
For example, my uncle has had multiple girlfriends after my aunt's death 10 years ago - he is in his 60s and doing just fine romantically. He would've been remarried by now too, if not for some difficulties that are specific to his situation.
Someone who was successful before continues to be successful again. I've never been married after 20 years of trying to date, so I don't think there's going to be much correlation between me and your uncle. Anyone who would consider marrying me would first ask "what did 20 years of women know that I don't?"
I've really accepted this, it's OK, I don't need platitudes about how it'll happen. I won't have kids and I will be alone. Litany of Tarski says to believe it. I just want to not end up sad and crying because I feel alone.
OverexertIvyClosure
2mo ago
Yeah, might be time to do what I want rather than chase the decaying hope I could be normal enough to find someone. I'm not sure what I do want, but that could be interesting.
I tried meditation like everyone else did in 2015, and I'm too ADHD to manage it, sadly.
OverexertIvyClosure
2mo ago
It's common for people to go through something like 3 different therapists before they find one that they click with. Don't presume all therapists will be like that guy.
I mean, I've gone through half a dozen as an adult, but it took me a while to work out the common link: none of them want to fix you. Putting aside that they have no financial incentive to do so, they just don't see it as their job. From a now-deleted Twitter account:
I asked a therapist once at a party how many of her patients had ever been cured to the point they could stop therapy and live normally. She looked confused by the question, then said "none".
Think about the median person who makes "men do X rather than go to therapy" jokes: they think that "going to therapy" is a religious ritual, and it gives them feelings of being a special person with Traumas who is being Treated. They have never considered the idea of getting better, so their therapist hasn't cultivated the idea either.
The overwhelming majority of therapists just want to treat people, not cure them, and there's no good way to filter out the tiny handful that actually have better plans. Since the going rate in my city is $400-600/hr, insurance haha you must be joking, I don't see much value in trying here. (This industry may be well intentioned but I think it's mostly evil.)
OverexertIvyClosure
2mo ago
Yeah, that was pretty good around 2010 or so I hear, but collapsed a few years after.
OverexertIvyClosure
2mo ago
Does anyone have advice on how to get more comfortable with being alone for the foreseeable future?
I broke up with a long term girlfriend a while ago (lovely woman, didn't want kids.) I discovered the dating market had gotten horribly worse during the relationship and I no longer have a chance; I've also roughly aged out of the bracket who can reasonably get married. I am going to spend the next forty years or so single and alone. I have intellectually accepted this but I'm still having extremely strong emotional reactions, and I still feel awful by myself.
I tried to talk to a therapist but of course he
a) rainmade me, with no intention of getting me to the point where I won't need therapy. (The overwhelming majority of therapists have never considered the idea of patients getting better, because most people going to therapists just want to feel special, not get better.)
b) told me that I wasn't going to be alone and didn't need to deal with that long term.
I'm not sure what I should do to establish a way to be calm and happy by myself; I'm frustratingly extroverted and need people to talk to and be close with. Can I train myself out of this?
Has anyone successfully paid a third party to run a dating profile? I really thought this would be a well-established market but I can only find a handful of extremely sketchy looking services I don't trust at all.
I am a loser who photographs poorly and I'm not good at talking to girls online, but I have a fair bit of money, so I'd pretty happily trade someone who's good at this a few hundred dollars per actual date who shows up (subject to sane constraints--no pros, not homeless girls, no one too old to have kids, not morbidly obese, etc.). I'd rather kill myself then ever swipe again, but I tried for six months to meet girls offline and got nowhere...so it's tinder or die alone like a pathetic loser.
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