SkookumTree
2yr ago
all the people in my life who though I was a "threat to women" due to my slight awkwardness... well this is evidence that those people are literally insane
That is an interesting one. There's the Poisoned Skittles idea...which is that predators that are new to being predators are going to be jittery. And then there's the idea that women are more vulnerable than men and so an awkward man (who might be totally harmless) is something to be afraid of. How would you feel if you were around, say, a guy like the Mountain, or prime Shaquille O'Neil, or some other huge, fast monster of a man that could trivially overpower you. And: he's gay. And awkward. Maybe guys like that need to work hard, signal that they're not going to be threats or pursue sex or relationships...in exchange for ordinary social inclusion.
On the other hand: we don't have enough information to make a determination on who was trying to get over on whom; however, the youths did not handle the situation well. He should not have been that close to her; if the bike really was his and he needed to get it returned he should have taken control of the bike, perhaps by pushing the rear wheel or seat. Then, he should have allowed her to use the bike, whether he got there first or not. He's a strong young man; she's a pregnant woman; it is not a good look for him to get in an argument over something like that.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
I hope this isn't just the tip of the iceberg: if this is a significant, sustained problem (upstanding citizens being menaced by psychotic homeless people, with police unable or unwilling to stop it) it seems reasonably likely that these individuals will be taken care of. At best, they would be strongly encouraged to leave town. This sort of thing is how you get mafias and an erosion of the legitimacy of the rule of law.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
both participants are on the same page about the stopping point
Yep. A lot of guys are going to tap as soon as they realize that they're blacking out or can't offer any more meaningful resistance against their opponent. That eliminates a lot of the danger right there.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Got ADHD medication; therapists had said for a long time - since I was small - that I had it, but I was too chickenshit to get it and get a diagnosis and treatment. Now that I'm on a low dose of Adderall, I feel much calmer. Not euphoric - calmer, and more able to focus.
I still feel as if any prospects for a romantic relationship are more or less nonexistent and will involve some form of entirely-avoidable tragedy. I'm working on being able to cope with this in an honorable, manly way. A friend's giving me a fashion makeover, which is nice. Looks and the halo effect matters. This sort of thing...well. Let me say that I don't believe any of this shit is going to let me entirely dodge the ambulances that are coming for my partner, or the tragedy - but they are likely to lessen its effect. Soften the blow, maybe give any kids we have role models that allow them to escape some of the dysfunction they see. That is valuable.
My intuition was that it was better to be celibate for life than have a partner that was drinking or eating or drugging themselves to death. It may well be. That being said, there is something to be said for trying your best to make it work in a shitty situation rather than being alone...it is harder, and as such seems like it would build manly character and virtue. You aren't trying to make your life easier (like it would be if you were single), your goal is to make her life easier. Perhaps this is the wisdom that the unattractive gain through sex and relationships: the grapes look sour. You've seen scrawny foxes try and jump and eat the grapes, only to be spitting them out, or getting stomachaches, or shitting their guts out. Stronger and faster foxes have a good time. But the wisdom may come from the act of jumping and eating - never mind the sourness, you have duties as a man.
Hmm. Maybe a micropenis isn’t exactly a great example here: it’s not obvious and doesn’t lead to discrimination in social settings. Someone that looks like Freddy Krueger, on the other hand…he’ll conclude that people kind of suck and are slinging a lot of bullshit about being inclusive and accepting. I’ve read about (but never personally knew) Freddies; I’ve known a couple of Fridas. I don’t know if a deeply unattractive woman becomes cynical while her equally-ugly Quasimodo-like twin brother develops a sense of romanticism.
I’d contend both are like “damn, people suck and are superficial”…
EDIT: Frida told me that she felt her personality didn't matter. That all that mattered was physical appearance, or rather that her face was too ugly to ever find love. I don't think she thought her personality was remarkable or that she had any kind of exceptional inner beauty: she was sad, angry, and cynical. Also blunt and hilarious and caring.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
I would go so far as to say that people get weird and cynical about any strongly attractive traits they have.
And any strongly unattractive traits they have.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Why the hell wouldn't she simply leave me as soon as the ink is dry on the green card? Not blaming her - I'd do the same damn thing in her shoes.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Eh...like, maybe if he was a fit healthy dude, sure, he'd have survived. Same for George Floyd. This being said, both of these guys weren't exceptionally unhealthy or fragile. This is more like a crapshoot: if it took 9 minutes to kill Floyd maybe his hypothetical football-playing 17yo Boy Scout nephew might've survived for 12. Neither of these people were manhandling Grandpa or medically frail hospital patients.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
That can work for something like a fistfight. Maybe even if the vagrant is in the hospital but isn't terribly injured. Bodies always have drawn law enforcement attention.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Yeah. This is comparing farmers to professional soldiers. The cop might have restrained 20 Neelys, the vigilante two.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Muscle tissue is far more resistant to ischemia than the brain. You are irreversibly brain damaged in five minutes without oxygen and dead in ten. With muscles...the times are measured in hours.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Yeah, it's a college town. Even so...why does this matter? A good makeup artist can do good work on a hog, and this is admirable, but it's still a hog.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Yep. There’s either three or five classes. A lot of average in the middle to chug through. Like…there’s 0s, 1s, and 2s. Or 0, 1, 2, 3, 4.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
I can have friendship. It is probable that I can have a lot of friends. I do not think that a romantic relationship that is better than being alone is a realistic goal for me, however.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Hmm. About the cult leaders: William Penn did something like this in 1670 with twelve jurors who went two days without food or drink, then spent nine weeks in jail because they refused to convict him. Bushel’s Case is the only one that I’m aware of, but I’m far from a historian. William Penn was a remarkably charismatic aristocrat…like the difference between, say, LeBron James or Michael Jordan and the second-string point guard for the Golden State Warriors, whose name you likely don’t know unless you follow basketball. Penn, however - unlike me - was doing what he did for some concept of the greater good. I cannot see how people like me having families and making more like me - more people who cause mild biological offense simply by existing, who activate systems of bias and prejudice almost as central to our nature as human beings as the feelings we feel about deformed people - feelings, I might add, that are either inborn or learned by six months of age. Months, not years. Six month old infants prefer attractive people to ugly ones. I can understand and accept that people like me ought to be celibate for the greater good, and should dedicate their lives to something prosocial in exchange for ordinary social inclusion. I understand the idea that we ought to be expected never to express a single shred of interest in sex or relationships, either: if we did, we might get the idea that we, like other “normal” people, had a right to shoot our shot (but not to never be rejected or some bullshit like that) like anyone else. There is value to that: we might become resentful and find ways to fuck up the social fabric that we all depend on or something.
I do not understand why we are encouraged to have relationships, given that it is likely that lights and sirens, institutions and social workers, tragedy and misery, will be involved. The best I can come up with is that I’ve earned some kind of dispensation by being a medical student, and people assume and hope that physicians can say “Not today” to personal misery and tragedy the same way they do for their hospital patients. Who knows: maybe we can figure out how to get good outcomes for our 400lb wives, or be good husbands and fathers if our wives decide to try and stab us, or some other miserable crap like that. And…maybe, and this is a hell of a stretch - I can’t quite understand - it’s better to contribute by making the next generation in these conditions than to be celibate.
I might have been exaggerating about the Mongols and ballerinas, but I think that people like this are maybe 95th percentile at best? The longbowmen I wasn’t joking about; John Smythe c. 1300 was an ordinary village blacksmith that could pull a 130lb bow and hit a dinner plate at a football field. Same with the barrel-maker in the next village over. This was ordinary. That is the ability that I think average people have. Someone that’s say, a salesman? Definitely comparable to a professional musician or something like that. And I have a friend that’s a professional musician, another that became a professional golfer. Know a couple guys that hold state powerlifting records.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
For the autism: professional diagnoses. For the physical appearance: measuring tapes are pretty objective, and even if my face was average I’d still be 5’6”. The two together are probably too much for me to overcome…if I was 6’2” and had a great-looking face, or if I was neurotypical, I’d probably be OK. Without having to decide where I want the ambulances if I wanted a partner.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
I think that being on the spectrum puts me in the bottom five percent for attractiveness. As I am now…I think my level of attractiveness is “just barely attractive enough for people to not be openly surprised or disgusted that I want a relationship” or “attractive enough not to be desexualized (in the disability theorist sense)” or “attractive enough that people at least pretend to be surprised that I’ve never had a relationship”. As far as my physical appearance…my face is 25th percentile perhaps, I’m 5’6”. I also think that Bukowski’s not all that ugly…maybe ruggedly handsome, or ruggedly masculine, not that bad compared to men his age. He’s neither morbidly obese nor deformed, and he’s six feet tall to boot.
I believe that being on the spectrum more or less functions the same way as deformity. Yes, you can learn ways to compensate; yes, you can learn social skill. But people make durable judgments about us from still photos of us interacting with friends, or two seconds of video…no, it’s not quite the same as someone that’s been burned in a house fire, but the snap judgment is still there and I’d argue the mechanism is similar.
I’ve tried alcohol. Tried pot, went to Oregon (where it’s legal) to try shrooms. Several times. I had a nice experience once, felt a bit more socially perceptive (and this was confirmed by a close friend), but it’s not enough.
Even if Bukowski was ugly: Muggsy Bogues played in the NBA at 5’3”. I’m taller than him. Does that mean that I, too, can play professional basketball?
I am not sure about that. I think I'd be divorced at best and get my throat slit for life insurance money or something at worst. I don't blame her for that and am even mostly okay with that... if she's a decent mom, provides basic food shelter and medical care with her ill-gotten gains, and doesn't look the other way if her new boyfriend rapes the kids. I think it is relatively unlikely but fairly possible that my spouse might be an abusive shitbag to the kids…but more likely that she divorces my disgusting ass when the ink is dry on the green card, gets with another dude, and that dude is abusive to the stepkids. Kinda sucks for your kids to be raped by Mom’s new boyfriend while you can’t do shit about it.
As far as content: people can habituate to quite a lot, but I think that the absolute best outcome is that she is only mildly disgusted by me, loves our kids, and is with me because I send a bunch of money to her desperately impoverished family of origin. I don’t know much about alimony…say I’m earning $250k after taxes, could she potentially get $150k of that as alimony and child support? Maybe she endures being with me because she is devoutly religious or something and admires that I’m basically a cash cow for her family? Like…I don’t see a damn bit of value I’d provide that a smelly ATM can’t. At that point I’m basically livestock on legs, being milked for cash and either put out to pasture (where I had better cough up that milk and lots of it, or go to prison) or slaughtered (if it’s not too dangerous, and I’m worth it as meat).
No, most women are not like this. My argument is essentially garbage IN, garbage OUT: you fish with dogshit bait, you get shit results.
I know someone whose mother tried to fucking kill them when they were ten. Their father? A 5'4" special forces officer. Height can be that brutal if you aren't also rich, part of a religious community, or lucky.
As far as nihilism and self-loathing: I’ll cop (somewhat) to the second. As for the first: being very unattractive often leads to that. As can large changes in appearance, in either direction. Still. My interpretation is that people, in thinking that I can have a relationship, have faith in me to turn shit into sugar. To have a good (or at least decent) family in the midst of tragedy, to be a good father and husband while dealing with the fallout of a wife in and out of some kind of institution or other. That is a lot of faith to have in a person: be a good father and husband while dealing with What’s Eating Gilbert Grape-tier shit. I’ve seen it happen…one of my medschool classmates had a background like that.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Essentially: the risks of being heavy go up exponentially with weight. You can also easily spiral and become bedbound after an amputation like that...if at 200 pounds you're just a chubby average person with a sprained ankle at 300 you are okay, maybe you break it. At 500? It's now a big deal.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Muggsy Bogues played in the NBA at 5'3". I'm taller than him. Does that mean I too can play NBA ball... maybe ditch medicine for the Golden State Warriors?
SkookumTree
2yr ago
I'm 5'6 and ugly. AND on the spectrum. This is table stakes to get someone average, for someone like me.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Bioweapons, kompromat, and cyberwarfare are probably doable. Nukes require a lot of expensive physical infrastructure to build; that can be detected and compromised.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
The idea of convictions being public record but being able to buy your way out of the prison sentence is interesting. Ancient China did that; murder got you executed and it cost 200 years' worth of a laborer's salary to save your neck. High treason notably was something you couldn't buy your way out of.
This would result in the very wealthy being more or less above the law. Every count of first-degree murder costs you $10 million if you want to see daylight again; lesser crimes carry lesser penalties.
SkookumTree
2yr ago
Behold:
The First Woodsmaxxer
That really depends. She might've been scared, like you might be (as a man) if five or six huge gay dudes were doing the same kind of shit with you and your bike. How would you feel if five gay Mountain-sized guys, 6'8" 400lb strongmen or NFL linebackers, were doing this to a smallish straight dude?
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