Throwaway19911991
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User ID: 2861
Throwaway19911991
3mo ago
Good idea, thanks. It's been fairly warm in her apartment, but I'll try turning things up next time.
Throwaway19911991
3mo ago
Thanks for the anecdote. We’re very comfortable naked together. I definitely come up with excuses (tired, too much alcohol, mood was killed) in an attempt to explain it.
I’ll “practice” putting the condom on while by myself to have it not be so novel.
Throwaway19911991
3mo ago
Thanks. It just goes against my perception of myself as a young, healthy guy and I’m concerned about psychological dependence. Probably not a bad idea for the first time or two.
Throwaway19911991
3mo ago
No, but just because we haven’t gotten to that point. When (manifesting!!!) it happens I will do that. Thanks for the suggestion!
Throwaway19911991
3mo ago
Thanks. Very good points. The flow interruption has definitely been the problem before—I have to go into the other room and grab the condom, but by then I’m already losing it (which seems wayyyyy too short of a time).
I attempted the her coming first last time, but by the end she was just asking to get fucked, so not much to do there. May just have to try harder.
The dirty talk is there, but sometimes makes me feel more pressure about performing, so a double-edged sword.
I’m definitely thinking about just ordering some performance enhancers through Hims to get my head right, like you said. I’m just concerned about a psychological dependence on it… probably worth it once and see where I go from there.
I think my overall problem is not being in the moment. I am just thinking about performing well during the actual sex, is my penis rock hard right now, oh god it’s not what do I do, etc. I’ll definitely try your suggestions and try to think less about what is upcoming and more about what I’m doing now.
Throwaway19911991
3mo ago
Thanks. That’s a fair point. I’ll abstain until the next time we hang out like that.
Throwaway19911991
3mo ago
Thanks. I’m getting tested soon to ensure this isn’t an issue and will probably try to go down this route.
Throwaway19911991
3mo ago
26 M. Sometimes I have trouble maintaining an erection with the girl I’m seeing. I’m very attracted to her, but when the moment comes to put the condom on, I get anxious and lose it. I’ve abstained from masturbating for a few days before seeing her and it still happens—other times I’m fine but we can’t have sex for various reasons. We haven’t had sex yet because of this.
This is seriously fucking with my head and very embarrassing. The last relationship I was in I had no issues with this. I think I’m just worried about the actual act itself for some reason (is this performance anxiety??) and need to cool my head.
Health and well-being is fine: I haven’t watched porn in two months (it was a bad habit so maybe something to do with it?); I eat healthily; I exercise vigorously daily; I get sufficient sleep; I’ve had a vasectomy and she’s on birth control so no pregnancy worry; I masturbate every 2-3 days.
Any ideas or suggestions on this?
Thanks. This is definitely part of the problem. I also have the thought on my mind of "if I can't perform, she will break up with me because sex is important". I've been seeking a relationship for a while and this girl is an absolute catch, so I'm concerned about losing it despite my best efforts outside of the bedroom (going on great dates, emotionally supportive, etc). I care much more about her orgasming than I do myself.
I will try to focus more on the process (fun) than the end result (orgasm). It shouldn't be as serious or crucial as I'm making it out to be.
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