farhakhalidi.substack.com
It's an essay about the various flaws modern feminist sex positivity culture has for women, and that it's often a good idea to refrain from sex even if one isn't religious. The author is an Only Fans model for context. I thought it did a great job laying out the downsides of ubiquitous sex.(Reposted because I accidentally linked to reddit instead of the original essay earlier).
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Notes -
What struck me about this article was how completely different her university experience was to mine. I never had sex in university. I never even went on a date, though did occasionally get drunk at parties and make out with girls.
I never talked about sex with my parents and only very rarely with my friends, and certainly not in any detail. I didn't even watch porn. The university didn't lecture us about consent. I didn't read about it on the internet. I didn't have a well developed theory (sex positive or otherwise) about how consent, dating or sex were supposed to work. Most of what I knew came from TV and movies. I only had vague ideas about how things were supposed to work, and I struggled to form a coherent understanding of courtship by piecing together conflicting clues. The whole subject was a mystery to me, and seemed almost fantastical, something which on some level I didn't really believe would ever be relevant to my life.
I did start dating and having sex in my late twenties and tried to educate myself by reading the internet, but nothing like the craziness this girl describes took place. She is really describing an alien world to me. It might be because I am ten years older than her, but I wonder if something equally crazy was taking place at my alma mater while I focused on studying. I certainly would never have guessed that anything like this was happening.
Also, my friends who did date mostly had a series of monogamous relationships. There wasn't that much hooking up, at least that I knew of.
I only skimmed her article, but I'm roughly the same age as you, and I think that neither of your descriptions sound accurate.
Farha's description sounds like every woman in college is compulsively having sex even though they don't really want to, and basically gets repeatedly laid then never spoken to again by every guy who pressures them enough. From what I've witnessed, it doesn't seem that the women around me were at all interested in one-night stands or fuck buddies. They mostly wanted to and did hook up with people, then get into relationships with those people and had sex in those relationships. This describes like 90% of the women I knew in college. I'm not a woman, so I may not know the full picture, but I do have my wife's perspective and many female friends' as well.
But you seem to describe a rather sexless college existence, and I definitely wouldn't say that college seemed like that for me or 90% of the people I knew. Granted I went to a very liberal and notoriously hippie-ish school and was involved in a number of coed communities, so maybe that made the difference. What sort of school did you go to?
I was describing my own experience, not that of others at my university. I actually didn't really make friends with anyone in university. My friends were all friends from high school and were mostly guys. Most of the women I knew were my friends girlfriends.
I was in engineering at a mid-sized school, so about 85% of my classmates were men. I didn't really know much about the dating life of my classmates, but among my friends, there wasn't a huge amount of hooking up that I was aware of. People mostly pursued relationships that would last about a year to a few years.
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