site banner

Wellness Wednesday for October 5, 2022

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

5
Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

i've seen this girl couple of times, texted couple of times, she's texted me once (initiate conversation). it's probable she likes me. in my head i've raised the stakes, i keep telling myself i have to wife her, otherwise i might not talk/take any action at all. the downside is i haven't been able to focus on anything since 4 days (or perhaps i just want to pin the blame on her?). anyhow, without going into too many details, how do i bring back focus again on my goals and also be able to talk to this person that i am not very casual about?

not sure how much we want wellness wednesday to be dating advice, but im sure many have been in my shoes at some point, and would have some helpful words. or perhaps just posting my problem here would help, because i've not told my friends any of it (they'd naturally assume im crazy, which they probably do already).

edit: one solution i've been pondering over is to go into caloric deficit for couple of weeks (i've found it helps with urges/impulses)

I agree wholeheartedly with that excellent reply by @fivehourmarathon, and I want to expand on one thing he said, because from my experience in advising my nerdy friends on love, it is probably the bit you are caught up on -

If it's real, it'll be worth it. If it's not, who the fuck cares anyway, on to the next one.

I think oneitis is silly, your true love is out there and you will find her if you try, but some of the advice regarding it is good. Point being, your true love will not be a person who laughs at you for expressing your heart (unless you are a masochist I guess), so if she is put off by your advances she isn't it. You need to find out, because if she isn't you have more women to meet. I don't know how old you are, but the way I explained it to my nephew was that you are giving her an opportunity - to go from being one of the npcs you pass on the street every day to a player character in your game of life. If she doesn't want that, so what? She's just an npc.

A slightly more sophisticated way of saying it is that you are giving her a chance to be one of the people inside your universe, inside the 150 - 200 people you are capable of assigning agency to - and if she doesn't want that, then she is just more meat in your way. It's a little bit of a shocking way of looking at it, but it is supposed to be shocking because it is important that you understand how little any potential romantic partner should matter to you if they don't reciprocate your feelings when there are 3.5 billion alternatives out there. The more hung up you get on one potential partner the less time you have to find the one who is right for you.