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Wellness Wednesday for November 13, 2024

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

  • Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.

  • Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.

  • Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).

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This is mainly a vent.

I find myself withdrawing from 'trying' with women, socially. I used to attempt to strike up friendly conversations with with people in general, but naturally with an emphasis on not-unattractive women. Not in a particularly flirty way, either.

And I find myself constantly disappointed that they keep finding a way to get in a reddit-y snark along the lines of "Men, Amirite?" I try to be non-argumentative in this context, but I increasingly have the urge to go meta-therapist and say something like "I feel like there's a lot of implicit hostility in that statement. I have my own frustrations with, you know, girls and stuff, but I'd consider it rude and a bad look to bring it up in conversation with a stranger. Are you trying to hint I should go away, or do you just think this is how people talk in #currentyear? Because I really can't tell anymore."

I used to attempt to strike up friendly conversations with with people in general, but naturally with an emphasis on not-unattractive women. Not in a particularly flirty way, either.

Do the opposite, start with flirty stuff around hot girls. Girl issues are normal and I sense that the girls you talk to can sense that you want to flirt but are on the fence. Also if you want to go home with girls you meet, never go away unless its fiarly obvious, no need to be creepy but getting a strong rejection once or twice is not bad at all.

Please write more about your issues. I was terrible with girls, somewhat better now.

No, openly flirting gets you a lecture about straight guys always assuming they're not queer, or rates of sexual assault, and engaging with a "Men, Amirite?" quip with anything other than soy appeasement immediately labels you as an anti-feminist chud trump-voting something-or-other, with a possible reference to internet bogeymen from 2016.

Do you have an example conversation here? If the women are literally saying "men amirite" in response to any kinda normal conversation starter, it does seem like a weird crowd.

It's possible that I'm just unlucky enough to live adjacent to the art/punk/hipster neighborhood of a major metro area. It has the most pronouns and trannies per capita in the entire midwest. I also move in geek/gamer circles, and like short haircuts.