This weekly roundup thread is intended for all culture war posts. 'Culture war' is vaguely defined, but it basically means controversial issues that fall along set tribal lines. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. This thread is for voicing opinions and analyzing the state of the discussion while trying to optimize for light over heat.
Optimistically, we think that engaging with people you disagree with is worth your time, and so is being nice! Pessimistically, there are many dynamics that can lead discussions on Culture War topics to become unproductive. There's a human tendency to divide along tribal lines, praising your ingroup and vilifying your outgroup - and if you think you find it easy to criticize your ingroup, then it may be that your outgroup is not who you think it is. Extremists with opposing positions can feed off each other, highlighting each other's worst points to justify their own angry rhetoric, which becomes in turn a new example of bad behavior for the other side to highlight.
We would like to avoid these negative dynamics. Accordingly, we ask that you do not use this thread for waging the Culture War. Examples of waging the Culture War:
-
Shaming.
-
Attempting to 'build consensus' or enforce ideological conformity.
-
Making sweeping generalizations to vilify a group you dislike.
-
Recruiting for a cause.
-
Posting links that could be summarized as 'Boo outgroup!' Basically, if your content is 'Can you believe what Those People did this week?' then you should either refrain from posting, or do some very patient work to contextualize and/or steel-man the relevant viewpoint.
In general, you should argue to understand, not to win. This thread is not territory to be claimed by one group or another; indeed, the aim is to have many different viewpoints represented here. Thus, we also ask that you follow some guidelines:
-
Speak plainly. Avoid sarcasm and mockery. When disagreeing with someone, state your objections explicitly.
-
Be as precise and charitable as you can. Don't paraphrase unflatteringly.
-
Don't imply that someone said something they did not say, even if you think it follows from what they said.
-
Write like everyone is reading and you want them to be included in the discussion.
On an ad hoc basis, the mods will try to compile a list of the best posts/comments from the previous week, posted in Quality Contribution threads and archived at /r/TheThread. You may nominate a comment for this list by clicking on 'report' at the bottom of the post and typing 'Actually a quality contribution' as the report reason.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
I am convinced that the Sex Divide is the greatest political engine of today, and that a big chunk of the culture war is based on the existance of this divide, and the inability of society to understand that political differences between males and females have an enormous biological basis.
After I finally understood this concept, I began to "notice", being always passionate about politics and speaking about it, that the discourses and the nature of the topic I discussed with people were and are heavily genderized.
Having a political or cultural discussion with a female is, in general, radically different from having one with a male, not only regarding the topics of interests per se (males more interested in economics or raw politics, female more interested in immigration, equality or similar topics), but also regarding "how" to approach a discussion.
I feel way more free talking with males, because I always had the impression, confirmed 95% of the times, that I can be more open and direct with what I felt without receiving a backslash, that can be personal (simply the person screaming at you or hating you) or social (person beginning to talk with other people in your social network) (NB: I am not American and I do not live in a very polarized society). Apart from the political extremists and activists that you can meet, the following things happened often:
Me and the other male have a disagreement, that can be harsh or about an hot topic, but that resolve itself in a shake of hand.
We disagree on a lot of topic, but also agree on other ones, making the discussion constructive in itself.
I discover that the other male have a lot of, uh, hidden opinions that he does not reveal in his network, often because of female backslash.
In general, I love to talk about politics or culture with other middle or low class males, because I always "received" something in exchange after the discussion, something that can be a new reflection on a topic, an earnest discovering of new knowledge, or simply understanding more some concepts.
Meanwhile, apart from a selected group of very close female friends and a selected other few, almost all the discussion with females ended with a disaster. In spite of me trying to move in a different manner, being more gentle and less direct, and understanding that I need to adapt to other people when I talk about something, the discussions simply does not start well and end well. What happens is:
We have a disagreement, and at this point the discussion or close itself ("It is useless to continue, why we should?") or degenerate in a very uncomfortable discussion where the woman put herself as an emotional victim of what we are talking about.
If the discussion does not degenerate but continues, it is always redirected to morality or feeling or about a generic "natural law". At this point if I try to redirect the discussion negating the opposing point (I do not agree with your morality or I do not care about this morality) it simply degenerate again in a morality context, where your worth as individual is put on a public pedestal.
The result of all of this, after years of experience... is that I do not talk about these kind of topics with women anymore, apart from a selected few. When I have this kind of conversation I always strive for earning something, that can be knowledge, human connection or shared experiences. Why doing these with women, when the things that you can earn are statistically negative?
Adding to what I said, I also need to mention that, after lowering down the kind of topics and approaches that I have with women, both my dating life and romantic life radically improved. I do not know if it is a coincidence or not.
You see the dynamic in any online forum that is still pseudonymous (such as this one). Even though we can all guess based on general demographic surveys that 85% of the forum, at least, is male, one can't confirm the gender of any particular poster beyond their own representations.
As soon as you enable users to present as a particular gender (all the moreso if you let them add photos) that all goes out the window.
On a side note, this is also tying into my experience of becoming quietly convinced that the inability of society to 'rein in' female sexuality in a healthy way contributes to almost every form of social dysfunction we observe.
Note I'm not saying this is the ONLY condition for dysfunction (plenty of dysfunctional societies which heavily police female sexuality, cf. Iran) but just a seemingly major factor that contributes to dysfunction in the long run.
But as soon as you start letting attractive people leverage their attractiveness to gain popularity, you necessarily compromise the basic factor that allows people to engage in conversation on a 'neutral' playing field. That invites all the rest of the problems inherent to human social group dynamics.
Just say no.
Why stop at attractiveness? We know tall men do better - this is plainly unfair leveraging of a physical trait that compromises neutrality. Intelligence, also, does away with neutral playing field.
Bring in the world of Harrison Bergeron? Or is it only female sexuality that needs to be controlled? Ah, the poor, poor men who only want to sit around discussing Aristotle, were it not for the brazen hussies enticing them to indulge in base sensuality by flashing their ankles at them!
It's funny how talk about "reigning in female sexuality" seems to boil down to "make sure attractive women will sleep with me when I want, and that I get a hot young wife when I'm finished sowing my wild oats". Genuinely reigned-in female sexuality, e.g. virginity until marriage, no unchaperoned contact, no dating or time spent together unless courting, needing to win the approval of the family before courting could start, and the older forms of controlling interaction between men and women would not suit men who talk about "women trading on their sexuality". Are you ready to be married at twenty to the only woman you will ever have sex with (unless she dies and you remarry), and start having kids that you will support?
I have no objection to rolling back the Sexual Revolution, but it needs to apply to men as well - it takes two to tango, after all.
Male sexuality is generally expressed in a different way than female sexuality, which implies different methods of constraining it.
Guys generally try to actively get laid and will spend copious amounts of time in the gym, then find a location where eligible women are located, then flirt as best they can, engage physically, and try to close the deal with whichever woman they find most responsive. The end goal of all that effort is to find one woman who he can get into bed.
If they are left completely unrestrained, they may just engage in straight up sexual assault. Policing that is relatively straightforward if we're willing to allow for trusted chaperones. Tricky, if we're not.
For females, literally all they need to do to leverage their sexuality is set up an instagram and show enough skin to tantalize thousands of men at once, whilst giving minimal attention to any of them in exchange. No physical contact required, minimal effort invested, and HUGE outsize effects are possible.
So we're dealing with a situation where social media has created a severe imbalance/asymetry in each gender's ability to use their sexuality to gain what they want.
This is mostly a consequence of how men are wired for sexual attraction vs. women. Men tend to respond to the simple visual stimulation. Women generally need more than that.
And obviously, clearly, without a doubt we condemn men who step out of line and cause discomfort, fear, or harm to women in the process of trying to get sex. As well we should.
But if you try to suggest that maybe, just MAYBE having millions of women posting thirst traps for the attention of tons of horny men is creating an unhealthy situation for both men AND women, and that this behavior is increasing mental distress for no real reason...
Well, that's just beyond the pale! How dare you! Women should be able to post whatever they want at any time and receive no judgment or criticism for it, ever.
Because, as stated, female sexuality is different than male sexuality.
It's not the men's sexuality that is growing unrestrained and is being amplified by current social media technology. So you see why I might focus on female sexuality as a larger contributing factor, no?
Holy cow I DARE you to show me where I implied that.
What does 'rolling back' the sexual revolution require of men, in this instance? What behavior do they engage in now that they need to stop?
"Oh dear, you'll have to be willing to settle down with a partner and provide them with support and affection for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, until death do you part."
Well, its not men initiating most divorces, so I SUGGEST that men, on average, will find this state of affairs quite acceptable.
So it implies that women are the ones who might have to be cajoled into getting with the program. And I use 'cajole' purposefully, to suggest it might have to be a social pressure/shame thing rather than a legal reform that achieves it.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link