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What are strategies for finding community in our polarized times? Almost all of my friends, family, and acquaintances are pretty damn progressive, and I always find it so irritating how they inject it into everything. Always, always when I have people over for dinner or something, something comes up at some point where people get into a progressive taking point that I disagree with, and I just sit there really uncomfortably and can't say anything because there's no tactful way to do it, or I don't want to get into a giant argument. Even at recent holidays, the progressives in my family have started inserting progressive variations on traditional observances, and I hate that sort of thing a lot.
On the other hand, I have a group of people whom I've met through meetups which were dedicated to more conservative or at least less progressive conversation. We all keep up via a messaging app, but I find they swing too far in the other direction. They're basically a sneer club, and this is similarly irritating. They're constantly lauding vitreolic conservative commentators like Ben Shapiro and Stephen Crowder. I don't agree with leftists and their takes, but I think this class of commentators only exists to leech off of conservatives, and generally does not put the best foot forward of anti-wokism. More than anything, this community of mine won't shut up about how much they hate progressives. I don't want that. I just want to live my life and not have to hear about politics so the time, not be infringed on from either side.
So what do I do, how do I find people and communities that aren't progressive, or at least don't talk about progressivism, but also don't talk about it from the other side? As has been cited here many times, if an institution isn't explicitly anti progressive, then it is susceptible to progressives coming in and making it all about progressivism. It makes for a tight spot for someone like me who wants to be around prior with similar values, but doesn't want to hear about politics all the time.
If they're friends, just signal that you disagree but that it isn't a big deal. People follow your cues and if you aren't defensive or emotional they probably won't be either. Like if someone makes a comment implying the police are racist or something, just kinda lean back and smile and say "oh man that's a tough one for me, I'm pretty law and order to be honest. More wine?" People don't want to argue. They're probably just trying to make conversation on what they assume is a shared premise. If you signal that it isn't a shared premise, but you aren't aggressive about it, they'll probably take it in stride.
Honestly, it's not too hard to acknowledge that this does happen more often than it would in an ideal world (never, presumably). I don't think I know anyone who thinks police racism is a good thing. Maybe someone wants to argue that Bayes makes it worthwhile, but I don't find that terribly compelling.
That humans are fallible is unsurprising, but how to design systems that work despite human failings is the core of civil political discourse. The extreme points of repressive jackboots and Mad Max anarchy are both pretty obviously undesirable to most: How do we choose balance personal freedom and public safety? Who watches the watchmen? These seem like less charged directions you can steer such a conversation.
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