The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Of course it's not literally impossible, but every part of this reads like a textbook scam and I would place the probability of this being the case at somewhere upwards of 90%. She is a stripper and probably has experience with hooking up with clients, what is the likelihood that she suddenly had a lapse of judgement or her birth control failed in this specific instance? It's far more likely that this is a scam, either the baby was entirely planned, she was already pregnant or there is no baby. (The first possibility strikes me as the most unlikely of the three.)
If you really need certainty there's @sun_the_second's suggestion that you should probably send just enough for the abortion then never speak to her again. I would not necessarily recommend that course of action though, even if it would ensure your peace of mind. The only thing worse than becoming a target is falling for the scheme. Just because she looks innocent and sounds truthful doesn't mean she is.
If there's no baby, great. no problem. I send her enough for the abortion (which is a very cheap there). Maybe she scammed me out of the equivalent of like $20. you can make fun of me for being an idiot.
If it's planned as a a more elaborate scam to get pregnant... you see my problem? or whatever maybe you don't you just want to seem smart and not like those suckers who get conned by a woman into helping her with her kids.
Sorry, I get that this is stressful and maybe I sound judgemental (you do, in fact, have my sympathies). If she's not asking for much then not really a problem then, I suppose. The issue is if the requests for payment continue.
But your other concern isn't actionable. If she really babytrapped you, there's not really anything you can do short of engaging in criminal activity to stop that from happening. You can only control what you can, and either choose to get involved or not (I don't blame you at all if you choose the latter, the baby was primarily her responsibility and not yours).
I mean, if she's actually pregnant and it's actually mine... what would you do...? I feel kinda guilty just running away.
If this is baby trapping and she lied about being on birth control, I would reiterate my assertion in my prior comment: This is something she's committed against you and as such you're not obliged to participate. But it ultimately depends on what you feel you can live with.
Right, you're firmly committed to your prior that she's lying about everything and I'm a naive idiot. So in that case the correct choice of course is to give her nothing and walk away.
But since I'm actually in this situation, I have to think about other possibilities so...
No, I'm assuming that the situation is that she's actually pregnant and it's actually yours. Basically, if it's planned as "a more elaborate scam to get pregnant" like what you described.
Let's say you give her the 20 dollars and a child results anyway:
1: She told you she was on birth control, and if she is pregnant it is almost certainly the case that she was not. If she did so intentionally (note this is likely: she is a stripper who would have experience with this), that is extremely abusive behaviour.
2: You have provided her the finances necessary to buy the abortion pills she needs. She has not availed herself of this option.
It seems clear that any child resulting from this is entirely a consequence of her decisions and actions, and she chose to have it against your will. As such, you definitely do not need to participate.
that seems like a very legal response. Like, yeah, i Know i'm not legally responsable. But I still feel bad. What would you do? not asking for a legal opinion, just your opinion as a bro. let her raise the kid in poverty, give her money forever, or just assume she's a lying bitch?
The law is fucked about this actually. Legally speaking, even if the woman intentionally lied about being on birth control or even outright forced you to have sex you could be held liable for child support as the father. The only thing that stops this from happening right now is that you are in the States (I assume) and she is in the Philippines.
What I've stated in my prior comment isn't a legal opinion, it's just my take. It's me just very systematically stating that for the above reasons, if you ask me personally I wouldn't feel obliged to provide support. This is of course assuming there is even a kid in the first place and that it is yours.
Ultimately though, this is a very personal question to ask and I can't answer it for you. In the end it's up to you to decide what you can live with; there isn't any way for me to absolve you of your moral code, no matter how much it might differ from mine. I would not do it though.
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