The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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Confidently asserted, yet wrong. I indeed have been there. While I didn't spend any time with single mothers, prostitutes, or single-mother prostitutes—I did bang a high single digit number of non-single mother, non-prostitute Pinays. And none of them asked me for money (whether directly or indirectly) nor was there any sort of weird drama afterward.
Not that it requires having been to the Philippines nor having any experience with Pinays to spot the red flags described in your thread-starting post. Nor is the theme of women-playing-men-for-money specific to the Philippines, or SEA, or even specific to foreign women with Western men. Women using their sexuality to get resources out of men transcends time and space. It doesn't take a chef to suspect if something smells like shit.
I thought the sentence right after the one you quoted made it obvious I was joking, if the sentence itself and the one preceding it weren't already obvious enough: "After all, what kind of sick fuck prays?" Wild speculation, I know, but might stubbornly overlooking cues perhaps be a recurring tendency of yours?
You could consider mustering up a fraction of the disagreeability toward her as you've displayed in this thread toward people replying to you.
I'm being curt because for me this isn't just shitposting on the internet or idle speculation about something abstract, and I have to actually figure out what to do about it. Most of the replies I've seen are people like you who just want to tell me what a horrible person I am, or others who just googled "philippines scam" as if I'm not aware of the possibility. Believe it or not, I'm not a complete idiot, although I freely admit that I have many personal problems. But dealing with this situation is just more important to me than sparing the feelings of anonymous strangers who are trying to take a dig at me.
Anyway she sent me photos of her at the hospital today, recovering from the abortion. So it wasn't a scam. (yeah yeah I hear you thinking "but what if the hospital photos were also fake!" she's not some expert photo editor or stage magician). Turns out I actually know more about my personal life than random people on the internet.
It was a mistake for me to post this here, I know. People on this site just want to speculate about abstact issues, not deal with anything real.
I don't think you're a horrible person. Most commenters (even the fellow who thinks basically all women are deceitful whores) are just seeing red flags waving and trying to save you from making a mistake while you are obviously emotionally invested in a way we are not.
If I were you I wouldn't worry a lot about whether her pictures sent from the hospital are "real." Consider it a bullet dodged (and consider why she'd be sending you proof that she aborted?) and move on. This isn't going to end in some happy love story. Do not try to be Captain Saveaho.
because she's not an idiot, she's also aware of how scammy this seems but she still felt it important to tell me.
Anyway yeah, problem solved I guess. I like this woman but I'm not at all in love with her like how the people here seem to think, just trying to avoid being a total scumbag. But it seems to have all worked out so... hooray!
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I didn't say you were a horrible person, because I never thought you were a horrible person. Naive, stubborn, sensitive, defensive, pussy-whipped, yes, but the former four traits could be a temporary status as the result of the last and not a permanent fixture of your personality.
It's entirely possible she was at the hospital today recovering from aborting your fetus, but <Old Joe from Breaking Bad Voice>: How do you know the photo was from today? How do you know the hospital photo was from an abortion? Did you see a photo of her holding her medical records with the contents readable? Even if she was in the hospital for an abortion today, how do you know the fetus was yours? If you sent her money for the abortion or "abortion," how do you know you were the only John to do so?
Chicks in both poor and rich countries alike will reuse old photos (or videos) to invent excuses, create alibis, or provide "corroborating" evidence for themselves. This only increases for women of dubious backgrounds abroad and can include hospital photos, of which foreign chicks can have aplenty, as in many countries people use hospitals for general practice services (not only the ER/urgent/specialized care say, Americans, might associate with hospital visits).
As an example, a classic variant of the old photos scam is young women planning dates with Western (or even local) men and when the time comes, sending photos of her herself all dolled up, saying she's ready but just needs him to send money for cab fare. Where once the money is received, she'll then block him or make some excuse to flake/temporarily ghost in an attempt to keep the gravy train going. This scam can naturally be pulled with multiple men simultaneously. Albeit it's somewhat tougher for chicks to pull nowadays since genre-savvy men will say they'll just send an Uber via their credit card, but the counter-defense chicks have developed is to say they don't trust Ubers or rideshares for this or that security or some other reasons, and need cash to use a trusted personal driver.
You might know more about your personal life than random people on the internet, but you may not know more about hers than random people on the internet. You may know less due to unwise inferences; this being your personal life and you being smitten with her is likely clouding your judgement. Hence the recommendation that people shouldn't represent themselves in court: "he who represents himself has a fool for a client."
Hmm yeah, that was the biggest mistake with regard to creampie-ing and developing one-itis for a single-mother prostitute: posting about it and your e-acquaintances not being overly reassuring as to her Wonderfulness.
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I don't think that's true Bah on either account and I'm glad you posted it, I think many people here would deliver the same advice and tough love to a friend of theirs.
Have you ever had a friend who is smitten with someone and not thinking clearly? Every post I've seen in this thread comes off to me as people who are trying to knock a friend out of their lovestruck perception of reality. Some of them are a bit harsh, but mostly in response to you fighting being knocked out of this lovestruck state.
What would you tell a friend if they came to you with a question, "Hey, so I may have impregnated a single-mother Philippine prostitute I picked up at a strip-club and I'm thinking about moving there and starting a family with her"?
What would you say to your friend if you think the above decision was a really bad decision? Your responses in thread come off that you kinda want this fantasy to be true and that you found love and a family. If you choose not to do the above, I think you should spend a lot of your effort to find a woman in the US and start an American family. Something is clearly missing from your life you really desire and I want you to satisfy it, just not in a way which I think will lead you to disaster.
Besides the lessons learnt, this is the biggest thing to take away. Addressing the core need that isn't being met (intimacy) and consciously addressing it in a healthy way.
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