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I can only say again what I keep saying over and over only to be told that it's impossible:
Don't even try to look at your phone when kids are around.
I could expand on this, relay my experiences on the topic, and how I am very, very convinced that this is the only remotely sensible way - but everyone nowadays is addicted to the little screen, so why bother. Nobody will follow this advice. There will be excuses.
Edit: Oh well, I ended up writing a screed anyways:
If you stick to it, it will make your life a lot easier, and your interactions with the kid a lot better.
But yes, you will have to just suck up those brief moments of "This feels like three seconds of downtime in which I could twist open the dopamine faucet." and instead tell yourself "No. Now is child time.".
Which isn't to say that the child needs uninterrupted attention. Far from it. But you have an example to set, and the example shouldn't be "Goes for immediate gratification at a second's notice." or "Turns into a drooling zombie two hundred times a day.". Either do something with the kid, or at least do something useful that the child does well to observe.
I see far too many people who are annoyed by their children, and keep bitching at them or ignoring them, because above all what the children are to them are interruptors of the dopamine flow. And that is, IMO, very unfair to the kids, and very counterproductive for the parents/grandparents/nannies. And they do it just to doomscroll. It's disgusting. I wish people would stop that. I wish I could pry my wife away from her phone in such a way that it doesn't snap back into her face at the first physical opportunity. I wish my parents would stop cracking open their notebooks and tell the grandkids to shut up as soon as they arrive at home. I wish I wouldn't see parents dragging their kids along the street with one hand while staring at their phone with the other, chewing them out all the while but never looking them in the eyes. I wish they wouldn't all park the kids in front of the TV so they can get back to staring at screens. Screens, screens and sugar all day every day. I hate it. I hate it so damn much. I can have a full and productive day with the little one, without trying to shut her off so that I can favor my addictions instead, and after such a day relax and do something for myself in the evening and actually feel that I deserve the rest. God's gift to mankind: Children sleep longer than adults. I am far from perfect, a creature of many failures, but this is one thing that I am convinced I do right, or at least less wrong than most. I wish others would follow suit.
But it isn't to be. Humanity is fucking over.
I think this is underappreciated for many. Monkey see, monkey do is a real thing, and if kids see their parents all day on their phone at every available opportunity, what are the kids going to want to do? No wonder the kids are all screen addicts (as if the screens themselves weren't addictive enough).
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Thanks, I enjoyed the screed. I'll respond with some only slightly on-topic rambling.
I've reflected on my phone use before (as well as my alcohol use) and I've concluded that I don't actually really enjoy either of those things much in isolation. When I'm having a great day doing something fun and active I rarely drink or look at my phone. When I'm at home scrolling/and or drinking, I'd actually rather be doing any of the following:
What I think I really want is some inward-oriented quiet time. My wife and I are introverts, before having kids we would spend entire (romantic!) evenings together exchanging only a few words. Now I have a job that requires me to talk/message all day, multitask, and manage human relationships. But when I go downstairs, instead of peace and quiet, there are 4 small children hitting each other, jumping, screaming, and otherwise causing a ruckus. Which is great, I love my kids to death. Still, I need time to recharge in between work and home life, but I don't get any. I'm trying to cut booze so I live to see 60, and so I scroll.
I know the scrolling is bad, but the alternative is losing my temper or just bottling everything up. The former is bad for obvious reasons and the latter impacts my sleep and I sometimes end up staying up late and only getting a 2-3 hours of sleep due to stress.
I suppose my point is that not everyone scrolls out of laziness or neglect. That doesn't make it okay. Just wanted to give a different perspective. I suppose I need to somehow find time to decompress between work and home life. Tough to do when working at home in a small poorly soundproofed house.
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screed?
Yes, thank you. My fingers outpaced my eyes.
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I'm going to try it.
Let me know how it goes. It is a heart-topic of mine, as the Germans say.
I'm doing a pretty bad job, but I'm at least more aware of how much I stare at my phone. I've started putting it down more and trying to pay attention to what's going on.
One helpful development is that my 1 year old has started toddling up to me and straight-up slapping my phone out my hand or grabbing it and tossing it aside before shoving a board book that she wants me to read right into my chest. Can't argue with that.
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