The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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So, my birthday is tomorrow. Any advice for fighting the "birthday blues"? Particularly around feelings of having wasted one's life, being an utter failure as a human being, and yet likely still having so many more (pointless, futile) years ahead to suffer through?
I turned 40 this year, and one thing which helped me was to just stubbornly insist "I'm going to have a good time, fuck my inner voices". Specifically I didn't want to be depressed because I'm (approximately) halfway through my years on this earth, because it seemed to me like it would be a waste to spend my limited time worrying about my death. I know that's not exactly what you're going through, but perhaps a similar approach of trying to focus on the good things and enjoy them might help you?
It's not so much my death I'm worrying about — again, there are times I consider hastening it to the present — but the utter purposelessness and futility of my existence. Why live another 30 (miserable) years, when there's just no point to any of it? When no matter how much longer I live, it won't amount to anything?
What good things?
That would require that I enjoy something. I don't. Nothing brings me enjoyment. Every moment I continue to draw breath is misery… and it will always be this way. I will never be happy. There will never be even a moment of joy between now and my death, only pain.
So why keep going, if not for some purpose? For some reason to keep going through this miserable existence, instead of just ending my suffering now? But I don't have one that I have any hope of pursuing.
(And don't recommend meds or therapy. This is me on meds, and I'm seeing a therapist pretty regularly.)
Sorry, I'm not really sure how best to answer your questions. Would you truly say, upon introspection, that you have literally zero joy every single day? I assume you're telling the truth and that you feel that way at this moment, but let's say tomorrow morning or another time once your brain has had a chance to reset. There's not even one second of joy? Not something as simple as a hot shower, listening to good music, or eating a tasty meal? It seems to me like there is likely to be something, however small and insignificant it may seem right now, that you do enjoy. Obviously I'm not you and can't say for sure. But if there is anything, then perhaps focusing on those things can help. Or perhaps not. All I can say is that approach has helped me at times.
I wish I had some pat answer I could give you of "do this one weird trick and you'll be happier", but unfortunately I don't. Honestly I don't even have any training or knowledge on how to help people who struggle with their mental health. But for what it's worth, I'm genuinely sorry thar you are in so much pain. You seem like a decent guy, and it sounds like life has dealt you a pretty rough hand. I wish I could do more to help, brother.
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