The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
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So, my birthday is tomorrow. Any advice for fighting the "birthday blues"? Particularly around feelings of having wasted one's life, being an utter failure as a human being, and yet likely still having so many more (pointless, futile) years ahead to suffer through?
I turned 40 this year, and one thing which helped me was to just stubbornly insist "I'm going to have a good time, fuck my inner voices". Specifically I didn't want to be depressed because I'm (approximately) halfway through my years on this earth, because it seemed to me like it would be a waste to spend my limited time worrying about my death. I know that's not exactly what you're going through, but perhaps a similar approach of trying to focus on the good things and enjoy them might help you?
It's not so much my death I'm worrying about — again, there are times I consider hastening it to the present — but the utter purposelessness and futility of my existence. Why live another 30 (miserable) years, when there's just no point to any of it? When no matter how much longer I live, it won't amount to anything?
What good things?
That would require that I enjoy something. I don't. Nothing brings me enjoyment. Every moment I continue to draw breath is misery… and it will always be this way. I will never be happy. There will never be even a moment of joy between now and my death, only pain.
So why keep going, if not for some purpose? For some reason to keep going through this miserable existence, instead of just ending my suffering now? But I don't have one that I have any hope of pursuing.
(And don't recommend meds or therapy. This is me on meds, and I'm seeing a therapist pretty regularly.)
The purpose of life isn't pleasure, it's agency. What are you doing to help other humans, to create beauty or to add order to the world?
If you live with a parent and many small children, then there are certainly parts of your daily environment that desperately need to be put in order, repaired, or spruced up. Can you tidy up, repair or clean one thing per day in your living space? That's valuable even if it eventually gets messed up again. I tend to think the outdoor living space is better to start on, but I don't live in Alaska.
If you live near the most-shoplifted Walmart in the entire world, then there are many areas of community life in your area where help is urgently needed. Maybe that's in direct ministry to the elderly, children, animals, maybe it's in civic areas like cleanup, archiving, lobbying, research, information management. The time of an intelligent, conscientious person who writes well is a tremendously valuable resource. As others have said, can you find an organization that is doing good and regularly contribute your time in service to them?
And unpopular take, but if you're consuming a lot of porn or other superstimulating media (including internet), cut it out. If you're already displeased with how your motivation/reward systems are working, then start by not deliberately screwing up your dopamine circuitry any more than you can help.
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