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PaperclipPerfector  3d ago (text post)   2071 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for January 25, 2026

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Well, maybe we've had enough about European-American relations for the past week. Let's talk about European-European relations!

We know a lot about gender imbalances in China, hikikomori in Japan, 4B in Korea, and Americans screeching in existential terror at every element of the opposite sex on social media. It seems like many of the most developed parts of the world are struggling to maintain stable relationship norms, and men and women are opting out of relationships altogether at unprecedented rates. That obviously prompts the question: what about Europe?

Europeans: how do you feel about the dating and marriage situation in your part of the world? Do men and women generally couple up ok? Have dating apps caused damage? Are people isolated and on social media, or do romantic connections and friendships form more easily? More philosophically, do men and women in your country generally feel the opposite sex is trustworthy, or do they see them as more dangerous than helpful? Are there tensions over gender norms, or have people where you're from settled on a new accommodation for the relationship between men and women?

Anecdotally, most of my old friends from Ireland (all late 20s/early 30s) are geared towards settling down now.

Some are single due to recent breakups, some (like me) who didn't become programmers have to make some decent money before getting married. Out of around 15 people in the last 2 years: 3 marriages (all have had kids or are currently pregnant), 2 engagements, 4 in long term relationships.

The weddings are great fun and since we're scattered across Europe and America now it's basically the only time the whole friend group can get together. We even helped set up the 30 year old virgin gamer with the bride's sister last year and that relationship seems to be going well.

I live in France now. The dating scene is insanely easy for a guy compared to Ireland, especially if you learn the language. Bigger cities probably account for a lot of it, but French people are more likely to make friends with strangers than stick to their friends from secondary school (like I did). They still do the latter but it's less of a barrier than in Ireland.

If you want to just hookup it's not hard, but my French friends seem to be as into committed relationships as the Irish. My girlfriend is French and judging by her friends they're the same with one difference. A lot of young French couples will get Pacs before getting married. I don't know what it entails exactly but it seems like it just covers some legal and financial stuff and the celebration is a lot smaller than a wedding. I'll have to see for myself what this leads to but it seems like it'll add a few years of delay to marriage and children.

some (like me) who didn't become programmers have to make some decent money before getting married

Why?

I'm working as a chef not making much money and I don't have the hang of the language yet. I've got a purely French speaking job lined up in April and a network of chefs who'd give me better work if I can prove myself some more but for now it's too precarious. I'd want to at least be able to promise that I will stay in the country instead of going back to Ireland to look for work after all.

My girlfriend works in nuclear physics where they have 2 year contracts, she couldn't really follow me to Ireland anytime soon.

My girlfriend works in nuclear physics

Like in a power plant? Have ye seen this film? Highly recommended.

No I haven't, thanks for the recommendation.

She's not working in a power plant, more research/engineering on detecting subatomic particles. I never studied physics so a lot of it is beyond me, but the projects seem more on the practical side. Stuff like building reliable detectors for different particles with limited resources, helping the Japanese with Fukushima etc. There was one person there who figured out how to use phone screens to triage radiation doses in a nuclear accident or attack.

Wow, so she's a genius? Fair play.

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