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PaperclipPerfector  3mo ago (text post)   2188 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for February 27, 2026

Be advised: this thread is not for serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics (we have a link for that), this thread is not for anything Culture War related. This thread is for Fun. You got jokes? Share 'em. You got silly questions? Ask 'em.

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Maybe better suited for Wellness Wednesday, but had a key realization about myself this morning. Went on a date with a med student Wednesday that I was not all that enthused about, despite her ticking all the on paper boxes. I was talking about this to my roommate, and he pointed out that there's no obligation for me to go another date with this person, and I fired back that I need to give people more of a chance if I want to get married and raise a family. He then replied that it doesn't seem like I'm actually deeply interested in that right now. And I think he's right: I like my life, my friends, my activities and independence, and having a partner and a family would compromise most of that. I only feel like I want those things because I feel pressure from my parents and from society (and weddings and the like) to not be single. I don't actually want to be in a relationship, at least not just to be in one.

I've done a lot of bitching and moaning about dating on this forum, and I think this morning I realized that the main problem actually comes from within me. I'm not actually very interested in dating for datings sake, and the only reason I pursue these things is because of pressure from society, and people telling me I need to be in a long-term relationship before I'm 30-35 or I'm completely cooked. Of course I'm not going to have success because in my heart of hearts I don't actually want it.

My preferred mode of forming relationships, particularly romantic ones, involves knowing the person in some personal level (at least 'acquaintance,' possibly 'friendship') before actually initiating romantic intent.

It is possible that the ACTUAL version of modern dating everyone is forced into is innately distasteful to you.

I want to be 100% clear that the current paradigm for finding a partner WAS NOT NORMAL until just over 10 years ago. And it SHOULD NOT BE ASSUMED to be the best way to go about it.

But it occurs to me that anyone under 30 lacks knowledge of the before times, so apps is just how it is done.

The apps have an unfortunate effect where every time you invest emotions early on and get burned, it teaches you to withhold your enthusiasm. But this means you intrinsically don't approach a new date as an exciting new opportunity. And so you don't bring that enthusiasm to the date, and its less likely to result in 'chemistry.' (assume that this same thing happens on the other side!). And so it becomes a bit of a self-fulfilling prophesy.

  • No willingness to invest emotions due to past rejection.
  • Neither party is particularly excited about any given date with any given person regardless of how they look 'on paper.'
  • No individual person seems interesting enough to justify investing in.

Both sexes end up withdrawn and reluctant to invest... so even if one side gets interested after the first or second date, the other might not reciprocate.

I suspect that if you met someone more 'naturally' you'd end up getting a sense for your compatibility before you had to enter the romantic arena with them... and that's a foundation you can build some enthusiasm on!

So your distaste for dating might literally just be how the apps have 'trained' you through repeated operant conditioning, and isn't really just because you're too comfortable in your routine to let somebody else in.

You'd let somebody in, but they have to get past your filters first. And too many people are failing at the first 'filter' because of how you're meeting them. Whereas knowing someone for a bit BEFORE expressing interest means they're PRE-FILTERED to a certain extent.

Anyway, my two cents, as I have been in the trenches for a long enough time to see this problem arise in many men.

Yea it definitely could be this too. A better way to say what I wanted to say is that I think I'm done with dating apps, forever. I've had a single relationship from an app and it fell apart as soon as she realized who I actually was, rather than who she projected onto me. I'm open to connection in my real life (I'm not anti friend like @ToaKraka).

I think I'm done with dating apps, forever.

SAME. I've gotten genuinely offended by the choices the algorithm gods have seen fit to provide me. They will receive no patronage from me any longer.

For the new year I'm going ALL IN on maximizing my IRL social 'surface area' and being enthusiastic towards any woman who seems single and available and otherwise doesn't have a disqualifying red flag (which, sadly, is a lot of them).

Do I think this is likely to work out for me? Well, not quite. Do I think it'll be more fun? Yeah.

I'm well aware that I'm still competing with the apps in a real sense, but there also seems to be a general vibe shift where even the women are realizing these apps are wasting their time and ruining their emotional state.

I was flirting with a bartender at a local cigar bar (normally populated by Boomers, so I stood out) earlier this month, got her number, it was a fun little back-and-forth, finally felt kind of alive and in the game. She seemed enthused to have me around.

THEN she turned up with a boyfriend on Valentine's day (not sure how long he was in the picture).

It beats being ghosted.

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