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Notes -
Thank you for the advice.
I genuinely don't think it's as hopeless as you think. Sure, my brother probably can't make it work with the current bi boyfriend, but that is far from his only option. It is unfortunate that he's still in love with him, and vice versa, but I've been in love with women I never intended to marry too.
I did specifically discuss emigration, look, I don't even live in India anymore, even though my opinion on the UK has soured considerably (I'm actively weighing my options once residency ends).
He is willing to make sacrifices: he is already closeted with regards to my dad and the wider public. He very badly wants our dad to accept him, which I think is quite likely if not certain. The wider public can take a hike, and even if they disapprove, the objective risks are minimal.
India is not the best place to be a gay man, but is also far from the worst. I'd say it's like America in the 70s or 80s, maybe early 90s.
If you want specific reasons for staying:
Our family owns a small hospital, currently in the red. We're trying to turn that around. My dad devoted a good chunk of his life to building and operating it. There's scope for expansion.
My brother never particularly wanted to be a doctor. Even I was not particularly devoted to the profession, though I was lucky to discover that psychiatry genuinely appealed to me. I wouldn't say he was forced into it, but he lacked focus and ended up opting in as the default outcome. He would rather be a businessman with a side hustle as a doctor than entirely devoted to medicine. I'm the opposite, the idea of running a business in India makes me feel sick. I am extremely relieved that he's consistently expressed interest in shouldering the burden.
Then there's our parents. They would accept both of us emigrating abroad permanently, but with pain. My dad still hopes that I'll come back after changing my mind. They're getting old. They're getting frail. They no longer appear as invincible as they seemed when we were children. We worry about them. Having a son close at hand reduces our concern immensely.
He's willing to go abroad, for a residency at least. And if he likes it, who knows, he might decide to stick around. I did so, but I am sorely disillusioned, and I hate my life and training, while enjoying the money and other kinds of freedom. It's a deeply personal decision, not everyone who would flourish abroad wants to go abroad. My dad could have made it big in the States if he really cared to try, but he had different priorities. Such is life.
It is also not trivial to make the move. The UK is no longer a viable option because of recent reintroduction of prioritization of local graduates. The US is famously demanding. Canada, Australia and New Zealand are his best bets.
I love my brother, but he's not very good at studying despite being smart. His ADHD is worse than mine in that regard, even if he's more functional and independent in other ways. I had an uphill struggle getting into residency in the UK, I had to study so hard I almost went blind, and definitely had a few mental breakdowns. I do intend to continue tutoring and coaching him, even if I have a lot on my plate as is. Least I can do for my little brother.
It is also genuinely not easy being a first gen immigrant. I miss my family, old friends, and my pets. He would too. It is not nearly as clearcut as the West being outright superior in all regards to life as a doctor in India, even if you're gay, and he can work around the limitations here. He is absolutely not the kind of person who has rose-tinted glasses on, he's thinking ahead and doesn't see it impossible to find happiness here. Neither do I, if I'm being honest.
Well those are fair enough reasons. As someone who lives an another continent from my family I get it but I also always knew I wanted to wander.
If your brother wants to stay then a lesbian beard, or a surrogate seem like the best options ( I wonder if you might offer to help with that with your UK salary?). Marrying a straight woman is a really bad idea (and I personally feel immoral) I have a gay friend from a much more conservative culture then India who did that and even if everyone knows what they're getting into forever is a really long time and it can easily and did end in tears even with both of them having boyfriends on the side it. Lavender marriages can have tension with the Gay part being a horndog, most lesbians are not going to be thrilled with wild chemsex in the guest bedroom with randos but it sounds like your brother lives a lesbian friendly lifestyle (lol). Another possibility I cut from my original post was dating a transman. Depending on your brothers personal sexuality some might be masculine enough for him to be attracted to and they can both have children and really still have woman style attachment and dating styles. Most transmen would be thrilled to date a sensitive handsome gay guy right out of a novel but whether that would work or not depends a lot on your brother and I'm not sure the trans scene in India. Anyway good luck with everything.
It is both easier and harder to move abroad as a doctor. There's plenty of demand for those capable of making the cut, but also an enormous amount of red tape and restriction on the ability to practice. An American doctor can't (AFAIK) just walk in to India and pick up a scalpel, let alone the other way round.
Someone with a good job in design or marketing, or an engineer/programmer, might have a harder time leaving India but would then enjoy far more geographic and personal flexibility. God knows I wish I could work from home or remotely, but that's only really an option for senior psychiatrist with a flourishing private practice. Can't complain too much, I make decent money and have an enviable degree of job security in return, at least till AI comes knocking.
My brother is very much against the idea of marrying a straight woman, at least on false pretenses. And look, he's still young. At his age, I knew I wanted to get married and start a family one day, but it was a problem for the future. The future is, at least for me, just about next week. He has time, Indian culture and law might well liberalize further, and it has already liberalized greatly even within our lifespan.
He could get away with simply living with another man and calling them a friend, at least for many years. Eyebrows would raise eventually, but nosy neighbors or relatives aren't an insurmountable problem. Anything short of an official, legal marriage to another man is viable.
Marrying a transman? I haven't specifically asked, but I'd bet good money on him rejecting the idea. They're very rare in India, not that transwomen are common either. I don't know a single one, and haven't even heard of them through my extended network, at least while talking about India. A lesbian? Eh, maybe, if we can find one. Apparently there are networks for those seeking such arrangements. And you're correct that he wouldn't be starting regular orgies, the chick would be the front while he spends most of his time with his real male partner (and presumably she with hers). As long as she's available to drag along to family occasions or social events, it could well work.
Thank you for that, as well as for your advice. I am cautiously optimistic that his story will have a happy ending, and I'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. I know he would for me.
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