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Small-Scale Question Sunday for March 22, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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Well those are fair enough reasons. As someone who lives an another continent from my family I get it but I also always knew I wanted to wander.

If your brother wants to stay then a lesbian beard, or a surrogate seem like the best options ( I wonder if you might offer to help with that with your UK salary?). Marrying a straight woman is a really bad idea (and I personally feel immoral) I have a gay friend from a much more conservative culture then India who did that and even if everyone knows what they're getting into forever is a really long time and it can easily and did end in tears even with both of them having boyfriends on the side it. Lavender marriages can have tension with the Gay part being a horndog, most lesbians are not going to be thrilled with wild chemsex in the guest bedroom with randos but it sounds like your brother lives a lesbian friendly lifestyle (lol). Another possibility I cut from my original post was dating a transman. Depending on your brothers personal sexuality some might be masculine enough for him to be attracted to and they can both have children and really still have woman style attachment and dating styles. Most transmen would be thrilled to date a sensitive handsome gay guy right out of a novel but whether that would work or not depends a lot on your brother and I'm not sure the trans scene in India. Anyway good luck with everything.

It is both easier and harder to move abroad as a doctor. There's plenty of demand for those capable of making the cut, but also an enormous amount of red tape and restriction on the ability to practice. An American doctor can't (AFAIK) just walk in to India and pick up a scalpel, let alone the other way round.

Someone with a good job in design or marketing, or an engineer/programmer, might have a harder time leaving India but would then enjoy far more geographic and personal flexibility. God knows I wish I could work from home or remotely, but that's only really an option for senior psychiatrist with a flourishing private practice. Can't complain too much, I make decent money and have an enviable degree of job security in return, at least till AI comes knocking.

My brother is very much against the idea of marrying a straight woman, at least on false pretenses. And look, he's still young. At his age, I knew I wanted to get married and start a family one day, but it was a problem for the future. The future is, at least for me, just about next week. He has time, Indian culture and law might well liberalize further, and it has already liberalized greatly even within our lifespan.

He could get away with simply living with another man and calling them a friend, at least for many years. Eyebrows would raise eventually, but nosy neighbors or relatives aren't an insurmountable problem. Anything short of an official, legal marriage to another man is viable.

Marrying a transman? I haven't specifically asked, but I'd bet good money on him rejecting the idea. They're very rare in India, not that transwomen are common either. I don't know a single one, and haven't even heard of them through my extended network, at least while talking about India. A lesbian? Eh, maybe, if we can find one. Apparently there are networks for those seeking such arrangements. And you're correct that he wouldn't be starting regular orgies, the chick would be the front while he spends most of his time with his real male partner (and presumably she with hers). As long as she's available to drag along to family occasions or social events, it could well work.

Anyway good luck with everything

Thank you for that, as well as for your advice. I am cautiously optimistic that his story will have a happy ending, and I'll move heaven and earth to make it happen. I know he would for me.