The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
-
Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
-
Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
-
Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
-
Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
Context: still seeing my high scoring secretary, and thinking through some things.
Married/serious-relationship'd Mottizens: not how did you find them, but what was the process like once you did?
E.g.:
1.) From first meeting to exclusive relationship: about two months. Dated for seven months, then engaged; married seven months after that. So in total, married one year and four months after meeting.
2/3.) It only took a few weeks of dating, during which I was evaluating her various qualities, for me to realize that she was marriage material by my standards.
4.) She had spent several years in her 20s as a live-in caretaker for her grandmother with dementia; so for a long time her grandmother was basically the first priority in her life. This only ended up when the grandmother went into memory care, where she still is now. For a while, it wasn't clear to me if she was ready for marriage in the sense of being willing to put her marriage first, above all other family commitments. We had a conversation about it before I ever popped the question, and that conversation settled my doubts. It has never been a problem since.
An additional thing: she had a terrible diet and no history of exercise at all. She is slender, but almost purely by chance. I was concerned about the long-term sustainability of this. But while we were dating I got her into at least light exercise; and she has cleaned up her diet greatly since we've been living together. (Now - a recent visit of mine to the doctor indicated that I've gained weight in married life; so the tables have turned. We are supporting each other in this.)
5.) This was never really something I considered a priority, but living with her has greatly increased the livability of my environment. Just in that she cares about tidiness and the way things look, and takes steps to keep those things up. I take care of most of the dirt/grime chores, she takes care of the "things in their right places" chores, and between us we maintain a very nice home. In general we work together to accomplish things very effectively.
6.) None of this happened until my mid-30s. I trusted my gut before and it did not work out for me; but more than anything I think that's because I was seeking the wrong things, or indeed just didn't have a good idea of what a real, functional adult relationship would look like. Once I started looking for (what I think are) the right things, I recognized fairly quickly that my now-wife has those things.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link