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PaperclipPerfector  9hr ago (text post)   208 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for May 20, 2026

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Context: still seeing my high scoring secretary, and thinking through some things.

Married/serious-relationship'd Mottizens: not how did you find them, but what was the process like once you did?

E.g.:

  1. how quickly did things get serious?
  2. how obvious was it to you that you wanted them to get serious?
  3. and how quickly?
  4. was there something that at first you thought was maybe unacceptable that you got over?
  5. oppositely, something great you didn't notice/fully appreciate?
  6. or, was your gut just correct quickly?
  1. I asked her to be my girlfriend two and a half weeks after our first date. She said yes, but then a few days later said she thought we were moving too fast and requested we go back to just seeing each other (albeit exclusively). Exactly thirty days after our first date, we again decided to be in a relationship, and have been ever since.
  2. Quite obvious.
  3. After our second date (which was perhaps one week after our first), I stopped pursuing other women on the apps.
  4. During the period in which we were just dating but not in an explicit, exclusive relationship? Not that I recall.
  5. Again, not that I recall.
  6. I think so.

She said yes, but then a few days later said she thought we were moving too fast and requested we go back to just seeing each other (albeit exclusively).

Do Zoomers Really? What is the difference between seeing someone exclusively and a gf?

I know, it's dumb. My pet theory is that some people think that, by avoiding formalising a relationship by putting the associated labels on it, they can therefore protect themselves from emotional disruption. This is obviously a dumb theory: if you like someone and are dating them to the exclusion of all others, it's going to hurt if they break it off with you even if you never explicitly declared them your boy/girlfriend.

  1. timeline from first meeting (i was old, she was new joining at workplace) when i wasn't thinking about new relationship TO serious thinking 2 months. From serious thinking to "Surely this is the one" 3 months more.
  2. it was neck-to-neck for my case about seriousness about each other. (she proposed first though)
  3. mentioned above.
  4. No, there was nothing that was unacceptable. but my mentality has been - whatever was or could be a problem, i was / am sure to overcome it.
  5. when two people want each other in same order of magnitude (not lopsided like man wanting woman much more than she wanting him back OR vice versa), then there are so many things which become smooth. Then there is no need to do bookkeeping of who did what and how much for whom. I think, i only realize now when that sort of thing is not needed to be done and how easy it makes life for both the persons.

Some other thoughts:

  1. i had some sort of long list of things we realized for each other - at that time, i had put something like our relationship has reached level 1, 2, and so on for 18-19 levels till i counted. after that, i stopped.
  2. for us, time didn't matter. at one time, it was a possibility that we would not be able to see each other for a long time - and it was okay. it didn't change the internal feelings.
  3. it all was a gut feeling kind of thing. i can still remember the first day when i saw her coming into the common room and saying something to someone else (i can still remember the texture of the voice). maybe it can be labeled as serious attraction at first sight and first listen. all the mind's calculations were put aside by me (as such, i tend to be analyst, just not in this case). in this case, it was - this is really the one, whatever my mind says i will manage later. whether that is a good idea in all other cases, i don't know. this is n=1 situation.

To compare:

  1. this kind of thing had happened once before. but in that case, it was a feeling only in me and not the girl. Lopsided. Would have definitely failed later on, even if it would have been an arranged marriage sort of thing (Indian context).
  2. Other time, it was partly the opposite way. The girl had serious crush on me, and i didn't have (lopsided again). We still proceeded and it was a long drawn painful experience for each of us (she remained always insecure about me, being very jealous of my normal interactions with other people, lot of long drawn mega-fights taken to extremes). Eventually, parting away was the only way out. But it remained a really bad experience overall.
  3. few in-betweens, timepasses you can say.

In short, my personal mantras would be: nearly equal levels of attraction with each other, no deep insecurities in either of the persons, gut feeling and not completely mind / excel calculations.

Does anyone else have wildly varied hangovers? If I drink while sitting and gaming or going online, I get nasty hangovers. But then if I drink while out with friends, I usually feel fine.

This is even if I drink way more while out with friends! Doesn’t make sense to me but…. It’s clearly a pattern. Anyone relate?

If I drink while sitting and gaming or going online, I get nasty hangovers. But then if I drink while out with friends, I usually feel fine.

I'd say this is likely caused by i) drinking at a slower pace because you're talking to people and ii) I've heard it said that one of the best ways to avoid a hangover is to wait until you no longer feel drunk before going to sleep. If you drink at home, you're probably going straight to bed still drunk, but if you're out with friends, by the time you get home you've probably sobered up a bit.

Globally, my worst hangovers originate from mixing my drinks.* If I drink six (or seven, or eight) beers, I'll probably feel fine the next morning, if perhaps a little sleepy, nauseated or have a mild headache. If I mix significant volumes of beer, spirits, wine and/or liqueurs, I'll probably feel like shit the next morning, especially if any of the drinks were very sugary, even if the absolute volume of alcohol I consumed is lower than if I'd just drunk one kind of drink. Mixing my drinks also seems to be disproportionately responsible for the emotional symptoms of hangover, namely "the fear": the sensation of paralysing anxiety and dread that you made a fool of yourself the night before.

In terms of physical symptoms specifically (headache, nausea), I used to get the worst hangovers from cheap white wine. The only kind of white wine I drink any more is sparkling (prosecco, cava).

*That being said, the single worst hangover I've had in the last five years wasn't even caused by alcohol specifically. I went to a gig, mixed various drinks and someone offered me a cigarillo in the smoking area. I've never learned how to smoke cigars or cigarillos and always end up smoking them like a cigarette i.e. inhaling, when as I understand it you're only meant to "taste" a cigar. Never figured out how to do that. Anyway, I ended up getting too drunk and left the gig early (wasn't really enjoying it anyway, so no big deal). The next day I was so hungover I literally couldn't keep water down. If you're going to smoke a cigar, make sure you've got your technique down in advance.

I've noticed that I get more hungover if I sleep while I'm drunk. It's the most notable if I'm day drinking but I can literally be better off going an entire night without sleep, which makes no sense to me. It's like my body processes the alcohol worse when I'm asleep.

I've heard this theory before and I think there's a lot of truth to it. I can't fathom why it would be though.

When you drink way more with friends, is it over the same time frame? It's easy to lose track of time when you're having fun with people you enjoy spending time with.

It is! I think I have controlled for most of the other variables.

Coffee thread

How goes the roasting, grinding, drinking? Tagging @Muninn and I forget who else was into the specialty stuff, sorry.

I'm still liking Monsooned Malabar very much. I found decent quality beans of this type from a much cheaper source. I've cut my bean expenses by over 50%. I love how this bean smells of several spices at the same time.

I'll probably still try out some expensive specialty beans from time to time, but I've kinda settled into a more regular, reasonable habit by now.

I'm not super into coffee but I got a decent grinder and managed to convince my father of the merits of grinding your own coffee, and he is now obsessed and bought a ~$700 grinder and is buying beans from a local specialty café.

No need to guess where the 'tism comes from.

The good grinders do cost serious money. 700 is a tad high even so. I settled for a blade grinder instead of a burr grinder. Gets the job done. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

There is plenty of opportunity for sperging in hobbies like these.

Our go-to is a local roastery called 3FE. Their house blend is solid and reliable. I've been thinking of trying Cloud Picker again. My girlfriend likes an Italian roast, although it's a bit too dark for my liking.

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