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PaperclipPerfector  12hr ago (text post)   311 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for May 20, 2026

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Context: still seeing my high scoring secretary, and thinking through some things.

Married/serious-relationship'd Mottizens: not how did you find them, but what was the process like once you did?

E.g.:

  1. how quickly did things get serious?
  2. how obvious was it to you that you wanted them to get serious?
  3. and how quickly?
  4. was there something that at first you thought was maybe unacceptable that you got over?
  5. oppositely, something great you didn't notice/fully appreciate?
  6. or, was your gut just correct quickly?
  1. I asked her to be my girlfriend two and a half weeks after our first date. She said yes, but then a few days later said she thought we were moving too fast and requested we go back to just seeing each other (albeit exclusively). Exactly thirty days after our first date, we again decided to be in a relationship, and have been ever since.
  2. Quite obvious.
  3. After our second date (which was perhaps one week after our first), I stopped pursuing other women on the apps.
  4. During the period in which we were just dating but not in an explicit, exclusive relationship? Not that I recall.
  5. Again, not that I recall.
  6. I think so.

She said yes, but then a few days later said she thought we were moving too fast and requested we go back to just seeing each other (albeit exclusively).

Do Zoomers Really? What is the difference between seeing someone exclusively and a gf?

I'm a millennial and I do this. I'm also not a normie like the downstream poster suggested. They have different definitions and I think they come from the online dating app culture.

Exclusive: We are dating and agreeing not to see other people but we aren't official or investing heavily into each other.

Girlfriend/Boyfriend: We are dating exclusively, officially out to all our friends, and investing in each other and our relationship

Marriage: We are legally bound together and expect to stay together for the rest of our lives barring some unforeseen problem (and even then)

Basically a GF/BF represents a level of commitment higher than someone you are just exclusively dating. At least my expectation, is that hitting a rough patch with a GF/BF means you'll at least discuss it/try to work it out before someone decides to cut and run. If we are just exclusive then that sort of flighty/ghosty behavior is more in the realm of possibility.

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A motte is a stone keep on a raised earthwork common in early medieval fortifications. More pertinently, it's an element in a rhetorical move called a "Motte-and-Bailey", originally identified by philosopher Nicholas Shackel. It describes the tendency in discourse for people to move from a controversial but high value claim to a defensible but less exciting one upon any resistance to the former. He likens this to the medieval fortification, where a desirable land (the bailey) is abandoned when in danger for the more easily defended motte. In Shackel's words, "The Motte represents the defensible but undesired propositions to which one retreats when hard pressed."

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