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PaperclipPerfector  3d ago (text post)   1004 thread views

Wellness Wednesday for May 20, 2026

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Context: still seeing my high scoring secretary, and thinking through some things.

Married/serious-relationship'd Mottizens: not how did you find them, but what was the process like once you did?

E.g.:

  1. how quickly did things get serious?
  2. how obvious was it to you that you wanted them to get serious?
  3. and how quickly?
  4. was there something that at first you thought was maybe unacceptable that you got over?
  5. oppositely, something great you didn't notice/fully appreciate?
  6. or, was your gut just correct quickly?

My husband sais he knew immediately. I knew when he proposed (after a few weeks - he said that was the soonest he felt he could and the longest he could make himself wait) and I accidentally said yes. I never intended to get married and I had successfully declined a few proposals prior to his. When I realized I had said yes I needed to have a conversation with myself. We married a few weeks later.

Our last anniversary was our 30th. We don't get any more, but he will always be my husband.

When I saw my wife I knew it immediately.

I know several men who share that experience. I think I know one woman who shares it. Just anecdata but I find it interesting.

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A motte is a stone keep on a raised earthwork common in early medieval fortifications. More pertinently, it's an element in a rhetorical move called a "Motte-and-Bailey", originally identified by philosopher Nicholas Shackel. It describes the tendency in discourse for people to move from a controversial but high value claim to a defensible but less exciting one upon any resistance to the former. He likens this to the medieval fortification, where a desirable land (the bailey) is abandoned when in danger for the more easily defended motte. In Shackel's words, "The Motte represents the defensible but undesired propositions to which one retreats when hard pressed."

On The Motte, always attempt to remain inside your defensible territory, even if you are not being pressed.


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