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I don't think there are, and this unfortunate fact has been one of the driving engines of the sex-relations theater of the culture war going all the way back to Elevatorgate. It drives the differences in how many women get into STEM, it drives the "I'm sorry, but I'm just flat-out exhausted by the constant string of even decent suitors thinking I'm their last romantic shot" that women in STEM/atheism/whatever have been writing about for 25 years, and generally it's pretty hard to find natal women who are into any given nerdy thing.
Hm, I guess this hasn’t been my experience. It’s true that you’ll find it hard to find a woman into, say, retro gaming, PC hardware, AI inference as a technology (rather than as a tool, which is controversial but not as much as the internet wants you to believe) or whatever particular nerdy thing you’re into, but from my zoomer perspective women who are geeky in general alongside a feminine disposition to geeky things aren’t rare. They’re often not the most beautiful women in the world, but male geeks are rarely the most handsome, and they’re good matches for each other.
My first girlfriend in school was very into Doctor Who (very “girl, but geeky” of her), I dated a girl in college who loved anime and went to conventions in cosplay (dressing up and being cute — very “girl, but geeky”), and my current girlfriend is a woman who works in biotech, is obsessed with molecular genetics and is learning Python for bioinformatics work (biology is peak “girl, but in stem”) who I met actually at an atheist club, if you can believe that. She also, of course, is fascinated by true crime (and reverences Othram’s genetic genealogy program), likes cute things, loves to call animals silly names, and reads dark academia novels.
I think geeky guys often make the mistake of looking for women who are essentially men — and yeah, there aren’t many of them. Men generally enjoy machines, systems, engineering, to a degree and in a way that women don’t, and likewise women generally enjoy creatures, cute things, fashion, social issues, learning about the dark side of the world, to a degree and in a way that men don’t. You’re unlikely to meet a woman whose personality and interests line up with men’s, or with yours.
So? You look for a woman who shares your disposition towards the world, your attitude towards the things you like even if applied to different interests, and that’s what geeky girls are like and have always been like. They’re not men with boobs, they’re women with geeky traits.
And a lot of things that are traditionally male-geek have surprising crossover: TikTok has found a way to market mechanical keyboards to white collar women, which is why my girlfriend now has two keyboards with “thocky” or “creamy” (gag) linear switches. And my girlfriend and I share an interest in history and church architecture, and relentless curiosity.
I had a coworker when I worked in PC repair who had an adorable girlfriend who played games on a PC he built for her. The dude was built like a blueberry, but he and his girl seemed to really love each other. What did she do? She was an English student aiming to become a teacher. Peak girl energy.
You don’t have to date in STEM to meet a woman that’s cute, affectionate, culturally compatible, and a good match. I like women whose hobbies and personalities are notably feminine; I like women, I want to be associated with a woman who is a woman and does woman things, but also shares my intellectualized, obsessive, fascinated posture towards the world. Such women are not so rare.
If SF makes finding such women particularly hard, my advice would be to build a nest egg and get the hell out of there. The kind of money we’re talking about counts as exquisite to most women of this country.
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Especially when you're moving to the apex of geeky money-having dorks in SF and you're unlikely to get that much clout for being cashed up. Add in the fatwah upon workplace flirtation (which is probably where most guys are meeting their intellectual/interest matched woman if they missed the boat in university) and strong sex-segregated interests and what else can they do?
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