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PaperclipPerfector  7d ago (text post)   2935 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for June 14, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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How unreasonable is it to prioritize work over interpersonal connections? I truly enjoy my work and find it so much more gratifying than anything else I have ever done in my life, but there seems to be some sort of prevailing consensus that you are only human if you relate to others? Has anyone else led a somewhat more solitary existence and prioritized only themselves over connections with others (outside of the connections you make at work anyway in a team, although those connections are more transactional in nature)?

Reasonable seems like an odd phrasing.

Can you live your life that way and survive? Yes, obviously.

Will you miss out on many things? Yes, obviously.

I think the big question to ask yourself is are you comfortable with coming back to interpersonal relationships in ten years and being in a profoundly weird position of trying to play catch-up?

High achieving gunners often experience this after college, they focused on academics throughout high school and College, and now they've achieved their early professional goals and it is time for romance, but they missed the developmental steps along the way, so they're stumbling through first dates and first kisses at 24, and lack the training and reference that their peers have around these things.

are you comfortable with coming back to interpersonal relationships in ten years and being in a profoundly weird position of trying to play catch-up?

I have seen people much older than me catch up, but I do feel that even if they’re successful it is a somewhat odd position. My only cope is maybe when you’re older you’re wiser and more patient and can handle human relationships better - without the self flagellation that comes with being young.

so they're stumbling through first dates and first kisses at 24, and lack the training and reference that their peers have around these things.

Ouch!

I am older and wiser and opting out of any future relationships I am not already obligated to maintain. I will continue my relationships with my mom and my daughter. Otherwise, my focus is work. And (solitary) hobbies. I have enough to keep me busy. I will leave the people for others.

How long ago did you decide this and how has this experience been going for you?

I have been fairly solitary my whole life. I got married and I am happy I did. But where most marriages have the wife manage the social calendar, my husband had his own social calendar and I pretty much avoided it. Managing work, a child, and a spouse was more than enough.

When our child headed off to college it was an opportunity for further peace and quiet in the house, not galavanting with friends. My husband died early this year (we're in our 50s). So this level of solitude is new. But it's also the path my mom took when my dad died (when she was in her 50s) and she's quite happy.

The idea that we need to live in each other's pockets is an odd one. There is plenty of interest to engage in without the messiness of people.

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