Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?
This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.
Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Notes -
How unreasonable is it to prioritize work over interpersonal connections? I truly enjoy my work and find it so much more gratifying than anything else I have ever done in my life, but there seems to be some sort of prevailing consensus that you are only human if you relate to others? Has anyone else led a somewhat more solitary existence and prioritized only themselves over connections with others (outside of the connections you make at work anyway in a team, although those connections are more transactional in nature)?
You're describing the life of a graduate student, which is fine for a time, but at some point most people will want something that's easier to obtain with a social network to draw on e.g. a job referral, meeting a potential spouse, a couch to crash on, someone to help you move, someone to ramble about philosophy to at a bar late at night, and so on. Perhaps your job is stable and you enjoy it enough that you don't need any of those things, in which case I envy you, but some part of my soul recoils at the thought of living like Nikola Tesla, great inventor or no.
Well I wish the existence was more Tesla-esque in terms of intellectual output. You’re right that there’s some erosion of the soul when it is just devoted to the altar of inputs and outputs. My only salvation is that this feels easier than the socialization aspect of being human for now. I might be asking a completely different question in a year about all this though.
This is one of those times where the easier path is most likely the worse path in the long term. Force yourself to socialize the way you should force yourself to physically exercise, if you are not already exercising through your work or hobbies.
Imagine yourself the parent of an antisocial child refusing to talk with their peers. They might turn out the type of person who values solitude, but the odds are the child has normal social needs and some forced socialization is healthy for the child even if they are unwilling to do it. If you let the child's antisocial behavior become a habit, it will only be harder to break the habit later and you do the child harm. As an adult, if your parents didn't correct your bad habits, you will need the force of will to establish good habits yourself, for your own health and happiness.
You have to be very careful in how you balance bringing this to a resolution. Far too many parents don’t understand the personality and temperament of their own children, and the worst ones always commit the same cardinal mistake: they end up parenting the child they were growing up, and not the one they have. As a parent, you may think just because your child has similarities to you that means they are you. A zebra and a horse both have 4 legs and a tail, but a zebra is not a horse.
People’s constant attempts to encourage pushing me in various directions when I was younger only ever achieved nothing but intensifying my resistance and dislike for everything they were trying to impress upon me. It wasn’t until they finally just gave up (not through any moral epiphanies, just age and being fatigued by time) they just found themselves without the strength to continue to try and cram their garbage down my throat; that I actually had the breathing room to explore these things on my own terms and time, and finally got around to finding interest in enjoyment in what they wanted to expose me to.
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link
More options
Context Copy link