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According to what principle?
Calling someone an asshole unprompted is rude. You failed to read the room and did so in front of someone who cares about that.
Ok, so it sounds like you are saying that the principle of "treat people how they would like to be treated" must sometimes yield to the principle of "don't be rude."
Do I understand you correctly? And if I do, what's your point? Are you asserting that it's "rude" to refer to Bruce Jenner (or whatever he calls himself (or herself or whatever)) as a "he"? Or are you making some other point?
If you remember I was just contesting your point that if being nice is a reason to use someone's pronouns then being nice should also apply to how you treat someone who doesn't use someone's pronouns.
"Ok, so if a worker is having a conversation in the office and refers to "Bruce Jenner" and uses the word "he" to refer to this person, can we agree that it would not be "nice" -- and in fact it would be "mean" -- to criticize, shame, discipline or otherwise sanction this worker. Because it's better to treat the worker the way he wishes to be treated and Bruce Jenner (or whatever you want to call him) is not in the room to be offended?"
If not using pronouns is rude then it is in fact acceptable to be rude back in general, whether the victim of the rudeness is present or not. That's my only point.
Whether using the wrong pronouns is rude or not is outside the scope of my argument. Just that your specific argument here is weak as you've framed it because courtesy is a tit for tat scenario. If someone is rude, you are now allowed to be rude to them.
That's the fundamental reason why trans-activists want it to be framed as a courtesy argument, because if they can frame it like that, then it is in fact acceptable to criticize or shame someone who is discourteous.
Ok, it sounds like you are saying that (1) it's "rude" to refer to Bruce Jenner (or whatever he calls himself (or herself or whatever)) as a "he"; and (2) this initial rudeness justifies criticizing or correcting the person who spoke this way.
Do I understand you correctly?
No, I am not saying it is rude to refer to Bruce Jenner as he. I am saying in the hypothetical it was being considered as rude (or mean or whatever). And the rest follows from that.
Personally I don't care if you call Bruce/Caitlyn he or she. But IF it is considered rude then the person being rude/mean in this way, cannot then demand they are treated nicely.
I'm not sure if I understand this. Are you trying to fight my hypothetical here? Here is the original hypothetical:
Note that I said nothing at all about whether what the worker did is considered "rude."
Are you asserting that what the worker did was "rude"? Or are you assuming for the sake of discussion that it's considered "rude"?
"Going along with trans people's preferences constitutes being nice to them; misgendering them constitutes being mean to them"
This is the comment your hypothetical was built off.
So if misgendering is mean/rude then your worker is being rude/mean first and his preferences for people being nice to him are overridden by him throwing the first punch as it were.
If it isn't rude/mean to misgender then this does not apply, but then our hypothetical Jenner would not be offended whether present or not.
So your scenario must implicitly accept the framing from the comment you were replying too. That it is rude/mean to misgender. Your response was that it would also be mean to critique the person for misgendering.
But if misgendering is rude/mean then it isn't rude/mean to critique the worker in return. Someone being mean, allows you to be mean in return.
Make sense?
Not really. Because -- significantly -- I was very clear that Bruce Jenner was NOT in the room.
Assuming for the sake of discussion that it's "mean" to "misgender" someone, are you saying that this applies to all conversations, discussions, etc. everywhere, public or private, regardless of whether the person who has been "misgendered" is present or otherwise privy to the conversation?
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