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I often find myself feeling as if there's something inherently controversial about me that will create friction between a woman I'm interested in. I've spent my formative years living in a rather remote area with a narrow dating pool, and the few times I have approached women to ask for their numbers, they've told me without fail that they are already in a relationship. The high-quality women around here clearly are quick to get taken for good reason. I've never been on a single date, and I've never had a texting stage with a girl. To add insult to the injury, my upbringing has led me to struggle with paranoia and me psychoanalyzing every detail of an exchange I have with an attractive individual of the opposite sex.
I'm 6'8" and consider myself to be socially adept enough, well-groomed, well-mannered, and decently-read for my age. I've been told I'm tall to a fault where my towering over everybody is just too intimidating. I work out regularly, and given my height, I'm in no means obese at 225lbs, but I've given up trying to reach the ideal body fat-to-muscle ratio and have prioritized raw strength. I also have hair down to shoulder length, and I personally believe it is harmonious with my facial structure, but it probably lowers my mass appeal. I'm too conservative for the median chronic Instagram Reels scrolling woman, too liberal for the median grass-touching, actively churchgoing woman. I'm old enough for dating apps on paper but too young for them to be a widely used, effective avenue among my peers.
I feel as if all my dating prospects are behind a glass wall that I just can't shatter. I'm not some unkempt maladjust, but my circumstances have made it difficult for me to develop the same connections that many people at my age do. I've been told that this is bound to improve the second I get to college, where there is a density of like-minded cohorts, but right now I can only say that I'll believe it when I see it.
High school can be awful, I can't imagine a small town. Hopefully you visit all the colleges you might attend to get a feel of the campus. Based on your preferences, you should probably pick a US based college where you blend in. Maybe BYU?
You do seem a little high strung, though I remember feeling the same way at your age. I was never good looking and I'm 5'3", so I'm short. I did much better in college, there were simply way more women of a similar background and intelligence to meet. But I did badly at first with women, until I watched how my guy friends behaved around women, and took those lessons to heart.
You are the type of guy who would benefit from joining a frat, they would teach you through example of how to be more relaxed around women. I think you don't have the basic comfort level to merely be friends around women like @ser has suggested.
That is the plan, I will stick around in Europe for another year on logistical grounds, but I expect to transfer from there. BYU undergrad and Ivy postgrad/postdoc is the route I intend to take.
I've talked about this on the Wednesday Wellness thread before, I grew up in a very psychologically volatile household and had little to no avenues to socialize the first two years after relocating to this town, which has exacerbated my interpersonal paranoia. In recent years, thanks to my social life generally improving through church, my prowess in approaching women and asking engaging questions has improved considerably; it's just that I often find myself ruminating extensively post hoc on every exchange with women, but I don't believe it affects the exchanges themselves. I do have female friends outside of my immediate area who are part of a larger friend group, but so far it's just that with no ulterior motives.
Another thing I didn't include in my original message is that I've also had women turning me down because I'm too young for them, due to my preference for women 2-3 years older than me.
BYU is going to be a good choice for you. I'm going to add on a few things. If you have the funds for it, I think you should think about taking a light course load the first year and plan to graduate in 4.5 or 5 years. Although, freshman-level classes are typically very easy, so you might breeze through even with a lot of classes. You would use the extra time joining clubs and/or service organizations to network with more people. Try a lot of different groups and stick with the groups you enjoy the most. There will probably never be another period of your life that you will have social access to young, single, virginal, and upwardly mobile women in great quantity and concentration. Since you prefer slightly older women, consider taking more elective-classes like foreign language that students of all ages enroll in.
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