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PaperclipPerfector  6d ago (text post)   2624 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for July 12, 2026

Do you have a dumb question that you're kind of embarrassed to ask in the main thread? Is there something you're just not sure about?

This is your opportunity to ask questions. No question too simple or too silly.

Culture war topics are accepted, and proposals for a better intro post are appreciated.

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I fail to see what relevance that has to dating, online or otherwise. I don't want to hear about how great jesus is any more than I want to hear about how bad orange man is.

I've been told that people meet women at church.

How long do you spend texting these women before meeting up?

Well, I don't meet up with them, that's the whole problem, but typically a day or three, with the date itself set within the same week as matching. Two exchanges of messages per day at most.

Also, I thought the problem these days is that too many men go to church and they're all too trad. Also, since I'm a catholic atheist, not really my scene.

Out of curiosity, how many dates have fallen through since 2019 and how many have actually successfully taken place? Is there any possibility that you are giving them the ick in between the time the date has been set up and the date itself?

I don't keep a spreadsheet. 90% cancellations/flakes/ghosting/stood up is my best guess. This applies to people met IRL too. Unless "looking forwards to seeing you today" gives the ick, I don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I think it must simply be the case that you are saying something you shouldn't or not saying something you should. You said there's usually a few days of texting, presumably you aren't just repeating "looking forward" every day.

Asking a question, a picture of whatever thing I'm doing that day, like cooking or walking my dog. One time, a picture of my dog at the beach was apparently so offensive she stopped replying. This was a Wednesday, with a date scheduled for Friday, which obviously didn't happen. I don't send photos anymore.

I don't know what it is I'm supposed to say via text to a person I don't know that will keep their fickle interest for the two days between setting the date and the date happening, especially when they reply to open-ended questions with yes/no/idunno, lol.

As I said, having a long conversation where they start spontaneously complimenting me has the same result as silence: getting flaked on or ghosted.

a picture of whatever thing I'm doing that day, like cooking or walking my dog.

This doesn't seem like a great idea. What does it communicate about you to a person you are trying to get to know? That you eat? That you have a dog? What would your response be if someone sent you a text that said "I'm cooking dinner right now"?

especially when they reply to open-ended questions with yes/no/idunno, lol.

Honestly, if those were the only answers I was getting, I wouldn't have high hopes for the date to begin with. Not because they aren't interested, but because a person who responds like that to someone she isn't interested in probably isn't giving much more to someone she actually is interested in. If you're number five on her list and she agrees to go out with you, at least you get her undivided attention for a couple hours, and you have a chance to move up. If she's really that boring, then you probably lucky they cancelled on you.

I don't know what it is I'm supposed to say via text to a person I don't know that will keep their fickle interest for the two days between setting the date and the date happening

Nothing is always a good option. Maybe it's because I come from the old school, but I assume as a matter of course that plans are to be kept. Once the time and place is set, "Great, see you there" is all that's necessary until you're ready to send "I got a booth on the left wall". Unless she texts you before that, or you're going to be late, or there's some other compelling reason.

Some other long screeds of advice here talked about keeping conversations going and texting every day before the date, so I'm hearing two different things and neither works.

The cooking is supposed to show off I can cook, which is supposed to be uncommon and sexy but also totally normal and unimpressive and entitled, like everything else about me.

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