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Notes -
More of vent/advise post rather than a small question.
Background: I run a board game meetup, formally around the social deduction game Blood on the Clocktower (Think very involved werewolf/mafia but with a DM). Some of the regulars have become addicted to the game and spun off a separate discord to play more often, which is fine, because I joinws it and play I just don't want to have to run the game every weekend which is the occurrence they seem to want to play at.
The Problem: Somehow a minor infiltrated our group. The main group is public and meets a local game hall so its whatever, but this person seemingly got invited to the separate discord full of all the addicts. We just played at someone's house last night. This minor is now 18, an autistic woman. The average age of this group is early 30s, quantitatively 32. We do have some mid 20s and occasionally some folks in their 23-24 range show up and several folks in their 40s that come play but 18 is extremely young. Consequently (thankfully) everyone is very uncomfortable with this development.
Extra Tea: She needed a ride to our event last night, she doesn't really advertise her age, so a male member of the group picked her up because it was on his way and he's a helpful person. He immediately regretted offering to help when he saw her. People where discretely playing hot potato with who was going to drive her home. Her parents apparently don't care that she is attempting to hang out with a bunch of 30 year olds. They seem to be living out of a hotel for some reason (likely poverty), but it's unclear if this is a recent thing or not. She's very clearly autistic with a severely awkward demeanor and lacking the ability to at all process anything not spoken directly to her in the environment.
The Question: Is there any advice on how to boot this person from the group. Obviously it's going to happen but the question is how to handle it in such a way as to not scar this already likely friendless young adult. I currently lean on just ripping the band aid off, but technically since this is an offshoot group I am pushing towards making the moronic discord head who added her do it as penance for being a fucking retard and adding her in the first place.
I am a little lost as to why this is a problem. If it is her age... why is that a problem? She's an adult!
I suspect the real reason is you guys don't like her. Don't make me tap the sign (The Five Geek Social Fallacies). Just tell her it's not a good fit and cut her out, she'll survive
I guess I just find it weird. The age difference is just too wide. Something about pre-21 year olds when you are in your 30s. It's interesting what a bubble I exist in. My local friends also find it odd but here everyone thinks the reverse is odd.
How much heavy lifting is the autism doing? If she is just too lacking in social awareness to fit in with group dynamics, that is your problem and not "she's twelve or more years younger than the youngest of us".
But this is my point about age differences in the discussion about marriage etc. on the Culture War thread, where I've been assured that ten or more years age difference between men and women is fine and not a problem. Gotta get the gals at peak fertility and attractiveness to men (sixteen to twenty) before they age out into wizened hags of thirty, while the guys are only hitting their prime at thirty-five! 😁
I think it's important to disambiguate "not a problem" here. I think a 30 year old should be allowed to date an 18 year old if he or she wishes. Not only in terms of legality, but also not ostracizing those 30 year olds purely due to the age gap (though we should still disapprove of people who are manipulating 18 year olds or pressuring them into a relationship they don't want, etc). I strongly believe that if an 18 year old is to be an adult, then that means we should treat them like an adult in all respects, including having a sexual relationship with another adult if they so choose. But would I have wanted to date an 18 year old when I was 30 (much less now)? Hell no. Young girls are pretty and all, but the gap in life experience is so wide that I would hate being in such a relationship. So in one sense (what we should allow in society) I think it's fine, but in another sense (what would actually be good to pursue) I don't think it's fine.
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