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PaperclipPerfector  20hr ago (text post)   788 thread views

Friday Fun Thread for September 11, 2026

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Inspiring controversy on Reddit today is an extremely long-winded comic, "I Don't Like My Boyfriend". Each of its 12 panels was posted as a separate image, so here are some consolidated renditions for your convenience.

In this comic, a woman contemplates how she doesn't like her boyfriend (who is drawn as a short, fat Chudjak). She finds him boring and annoying. However, he is smitten with her, and she has never had any friends, let alone romantic partners, other than him. She wonders whether she is just an unlikeable person, and should be more grateful for having hooked a person with such low standards. The general opinion of commenters seems to be hatred for the woman.

This actually matches my personal experience with attempts at friendship (1 2) somewhat well! I eventually couldn't tolerate my pseudo-friends any longer and kicked them all to the curb, and the commenters seem to think that the woman depicted in the comic should do the same with her romantic partner.

Do you have any thoughts on this topic?

some random thoughts:

  1. in a friendship, there needs to some sort of see-saw of the status. (status games like mentioned in Impro - Keith Johnstone). in this comic, the boyfriend is "lowering" himself by all the moves like paying for everything, will take care of her, you are in my dream, never mean. But that is a permanent lowered side of him and she is always high. In general, higher status is a good thing, but not when it is permanently done.
  2. in a deep friendship (or love relationship), the most important point becomes: shared register. matching of interests. recognition. "i see you", and "i see you too". In this comic, the GF feels (correctly) that he doesn't see her actually. there is no common register for them, nothing shared, nothing discussed together, no to and fro exchanges. whatever she says, he never sees that, ignores that (error of commission or omission), which is why she feels so bad. but because he is doing lot of other status lowering (and hers higher) things, that whole discrepancy lands in the way of "am i the wrong one, am i spoiled".

Zhuangzi story: A bird of sea landed in Lu. The king was ecstatic. He put the bird in the royal palace, gave a 15 course feast in its honour, played the best classical songs for it, and best wines. The bird was sad, refuses to eat, and then dies in 3 days. Moral: the king never saw the bird as it was or what it needed. no recognition. he did what he considered the best (from his POV). the GF is the bird here.

Same for you probably. without a common register (even if it is some sort of 700 questions), you don't feel an acquaintance as "true"-friend. you don't feel "seen". and that correctly dissatisfies you.

So much for "serious in-depth discussion of weighty topics".

The general opinion of commenters seems to be hatred for the woman.

Perhaps. I thought this was just surface-level analysis of the average marriage, or what loveless relationships/marriages ultimately devolve into.

There's a mismatch between can't and won't, too; is it just a complete lack of mental horsepower/effort (incuriousness), or something else? And while a lack of mental horsepower is concerning for a long-term relationship- both in the sense that you're going to be more alone than he will, and that it'll make those promises more difficult to depend on (in the sense that if he's not smart/paying that much attention he'll be outcompeted by others, which by extension means you will be outcompeted as well)- the Fiddler on the Roof-type marriage as means seems like it's actually the average human experience. (19th and 20th century drinking culture is another data point.)

Maybe that's actually the scary part, when there really is nothing more, that this is all there is and all you can expect out of life. I guess that's why people buy dogs and kids and say it saved their marriages- if only because it exposes a new facet of whoever it's with, but because at that point the relationship has shifted to means rather than end.

I've come to that point with a few people in my life: that this is all it's ever going to be, and they're never going to be any different. Sure, there are some barriers to communication, but the flip-side is the Copenhagen ethics problem where, if I don't have a better idea, then I feel that complaining about it is just more a one-sided vent than anything else.

The more interesting ones are those you can build on/up, which I think is what normal people call "getting along well". Especially if they build you up; those ones are keepers.

But the difference is that I'm not interested in resenting any one of them for this; they're not enemies that need to be destroyed. I'm not sure why I should (and I'm sure that doing this would kill the friendship even deader than just constantly complaining about things). Sure, there's limits on time and resources (and obviously you're more interested in some of them for reasons that have to do with sex), but that's true for everything else.

Maybe that is more sociopathic than anything else, I dunno- I guess you could call that being a giant slut "vers" of sorts, since I tend to search/select what (as far as I can tell) people are expecting as part of the way I get to know them. Of course, that also leads to some problems, where time is treated as ante just to see if the build-up will occur, which also results in me not quite behaving the way anyone really expects.

(Which makes actually being appropriately attractive/dominant on my own something I have to actively remember to do- as I understand it, this is more common in women than men, which is something that makes accepting... certain friends' claims unusually difficult. I only know better than everyone else once I know it's actually helpful or important to do so and tend to hedge harder than I should- probably sub-optimal, but so's the alternative.)

I wonder if the chudjak bf has an engineering degree. Recently I learned that the "not asking personal questions" thing is a stereotype about engineers.

I appreciate your usual output of strange court cases.

I eventually couldn't tolerate my pseudo-friends any longer and kicked them all to the curb

Well what was the issue? They didn't want to fill out your forms or they didn't want to send you a form to fill back?
I think a friend is just somebody who is willing to give you a little piece of their day in exchange for the simple pleasure of spending time with you.
You can be friends with different kinds of people in different ways. Maybe there's somebody who you only talk about sports with, or anime, or strange court cases.
If you already thoroughly know somebody, how are they going to surprise you, how are they going to teach you anything? Making them fill out a form to give you the information you care about is in a way spoiling the fun out of the friendship. Ideally this is somebody you can be sincere with and you can be humble with, you are not worrying over the way you are phrasing your thoughts not to sound dumb or offensive, in a way one would rewrite a paragraph to avoid modding on themotte.

If the spreadsheet-filling game is a core friendship need for you, I'd suggest frequenting fans of map-coloring or 'productivity' games like factorio, I assume they'd be more likely to be into spreadsheets.

Well, what was the issue?

I hated myself more and more for continuing to interact with them in a close, friendly manner despite disliking them. (See my flair.)

They didn't want to fill out your forms or they didn't want to send you a form to fill back?

Making them fill out a form

spreadsheet-filling game

I think you've misunderstood what I said. The participants in my pseudo-friendships didn't send forms full of questions back and forth. Rather, we sent each other questions and answers via Facebook messages, perhaps one to five at a time. The spreadsheet was only a tool to ensure that both parties participated more or less equally, rather than allowing (or forcing) one person to spam a zillion questions.

While I was not necessarily implying that you were literally making people fill forms, sending questions back and forth is loosely similar, considering that that is not how people usually communicate.
Consider how people go to a therapist for talk therapy, not 'answering questions' therapy, which could potentially be a more effective way of systematically diagnosing and treating mental illness.

The ideal conversation for me is that they tell me something sincere, that matters to them, that strikes my interest and for which I can find an interesting aspect to ask about. Then they can fill in some details, and perhaps I have some kind of related experience I can bring up that could be of interest to them. If they don't respond in a way that indicate that they have interest in what I'm bringing up, then we can stay silent, or go back to the previous topic with a different angle, or try something else.

Reading some of your questions, I don't really know where the conversation possibly could go from there.

Do you have a preference for the texture of facial tissues when you use them to wipe your nose?

Are we trying to find out if I have some kind of touch sensitivity? Unless you're a genetics researcher looking for people with a specific phenotypic trait to sample, I don't get what's the point of this question.

Why did you dislike the people you attempted friendship with?
You clearly have a social side considering your communications here, but you have standards I don't understand and you're not satisfied with what you're getting.

Reading some of your questions, I don't really know where the conversation possibly could go from there.

Do you have a preference for the texture of facial tissues when you use them to wipe your nose?

Are we trying to find out if I have some kind of touch sensitivity?

That particular question actually was asked by the other party (Pseudo-Friend Six), not by me. (I'm referring back to the original spreadsheet in saying this, as I did not copy from the spreadsheet to the Pastebin text file the identity of who asked each question. Remember that approximately half of the questions in that text file were asked by each party.)

Why did you dislike the people you attempted friendship with?

It's been more than a decade since all my pseudo-friendships were terminated, so it's hard to remember specifics. But in general: In the long term, there always end up being far more reasons to dislike (or at least distrust) a person than to like him.

Example reasons to dislike a person:

  • Is religious

  • Uses "they" as a singular pronoun for a person of unknown gender

  • Uses line breaks rather than paragraphs for no good reason, on a platform that differentiates between them (e. g., Markdown or raw HTML, not email or BBcode)

  • Places a hyphen between a number and its associated noun for no good reason (e. g., "after 10-years of imprisonment" rather than "after 10 years of imprisonment"; note that "a 10-year term of imprisonment" is fine)

  • Has authoritarian political views

And of course anybody who disagrees with you at all, even on something as minor as favorite food or preferred HVAC temperature, must be distrusted at least a little.

Has authoritarian political views

I find it amusing that you'd have such criteria when 2 or 3 of your other criteria sound like something a grammar-nazi would care about. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I suppose you can find some grammar-appreciative people to be friends with, perhaps in the editing or copy proofing world?
I used to be more mindful of language rules myself.
Now there are language mistakes that I like. How my daughter says 'bloopy' instead of 'bluey' and calls her brother by the second half of his name. How endearing! Perhaps if you care to not be so hung up on what most people consider trivial language mistakes, taking up a foreign language would help?
When you are the one desperately trying to express yourself in a foreign language, begging native speakers not to immediately switch to English or ignore you, perhaps you will feel more inclined to be magnanimous toward others' mistakes?

Is religious

What's the problem with that? We all hold some beliefs we can't justify from the ground up. I've never seen Antarctica, I have to believe that it exists if anybody talks about it.

And of course anybody who disagrees with you at all, even on something as minor as favorite food or preferred HVAC temperature, must be distrusted at least a little.

Distrusted in what sense?
Do I trust that they will keep the AC at the exact 'right' temperature when I'm not around and they have control of the thermostat? Perhaps not, but why 'dislike' them for that?
I think it's important to respect that other people's preferences might be as arbitrary/determined as mine, and I shouldn't dislike them for that. Unless we're talking about extreme levels of causing discomfort to others.

Has authoritarian political views

I find it amusing that you'd have such criteria when two or three of your other criteria sound like something a grammar Nazi would care about.

Is religious

What's the problem with that? We all hold some beliefs we can't justify from the ground up. I've never seen Antarctica, but I have to believe that it exists if anybody talks about it.

People who make things worse for everybody else:

  • Those who deny the validity of scientific investigation (including supply and demand)

  • Those who don't bother to avoid ambiguity (i. e., foisting onto others the burden of reconstructing their intended meaning) in communication

And of course anybody who disagrees with you at all, even on something as minor as favorite food or preferred HVAC temperature, must be distrusted at least a little.

Distrusted in what sense?

For Alfred to assume that his random classmate/coworker/whatever Beatrice agrees with him on everything is charitable, but naive. Inevitably, if Alfred interacts with Beatrice, he will learn that she disagrees with him on minor topics—perhaps a few, perhaps a zillion.

If Beatrice disagrees with Alfred on a zillion minor topics, those minor disagreements are not in themselves sufficient cause for Alfred to dislike Beatrice. However, those minor disagreements do indicate an underlying difference between Alfred and Beatrice, and should lead Alfred to assume that Beatrice probably disagrees with Alfred on a zillion major topics as well—i. e., to distrust Beatrice. Even if those major topics are not known to Alfred, it is well-advised for him to assume that, if he bothers to learn more about Beatrice, then he eventually will come to learn her opinions on those major topics, and to dislike her. Familiarity breeds contempt.

Those who deny the validity of scientific investigation (including supply and demand)

Well there's all kind of scientific investigation. Is scientific investigation the highest course of action no matter what? Should we be scientifically investigating something right now instead of having a conversation?

Those who don't bother to avoid ambiguity

There's a trade-off between avoiding ambiguity and time. Users of this website are obsessed with avoiding ambiguity but it makes every discussion longer to read / longer to respond to.

Even if those major topics are not known to Alfred, it is well-advised for him to assume that, if he bothers to learn more about Beatrice, then he eventually will come to learn her opinions on those major topics, and to dislike her.

The implication being that if you get to know somebody you will inevitably end up disliking them. While I don't think that is necessarily true, if you do believe that to be true, why do you want to speedrun that inevitability by throwing lists of questions at them?
You should enjoy not knowing them that well for as long as you can.
Also if you stopped constantly inquiring about various topics you would be less likely to form an opinion that would lead you to dislike somebody over it. ie touch grass

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