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Notes -
Sure, this is something I probably should explicate a little.
If you're having casual sex with a woman, your obligations are pretty simple:
This is what makes the sex safe for the woman, especially 3, which is what I wanted to highlight most of all. I'm pretty dubious that 1 and 2 were followed (even if she got home safe, was it because the men cared to make it so?), 4 was DEFINITELY not followed (she felt disrespected from the Halloween party), and I guess 5 was technically followed, but 3 is where things seem to have gone very wrong.
This is what I meant by her getting "turned into" a crazy slut. There are a lot of women out there who have wild sex - but many of them are not "crazy sluts." They keep the details suitably private, or they recast the events in some appropriate manner to get a better image for themselves. It's a branding issue, and it's the most severe concrete harm done to her.
Obviously I personally think that commitment is generally a better mode for sex, and is the terminal goal there. But I understand that this, well, takes some working up to. Young people screw around. But there's a right and wrong way to screw around, and this has obligations on both parties. (There are obligations for the woman too, and one of them is that you don't hurl rape charges if you get upset. But I don't think that needs such a deep explanation.) What I suspect is going on here is a deeper dissatisfaction among women, that men corporately aren't meeting their obligations around sex. For this gangbang, the obligation was preserving the lady's modesty, but in other cases it IS in fact about commitment. This is why I'm saying that "consent" is insufficient - not for rape, which is a VERY specific and VERY severe kind of harm which is a matter of public i.e. state interest, but for meeting your gendered obligations around sex. Failing to meet your gendered obligations around sex is not a crime, but it's a reason to get socially sidelined. Think deadbeat dad, or a girlfriend who goes clubbing with her girlfriends (even if she doesn't screw anyone, pretty goddamn inappropriate).
Finally, small note:
I suspect she was screwing around at least in part so that she would be a "cool girl" or a "fun girl" who would get invited to more parties. Obviously she's an idiot and an out of control nut and was totally wrong about all of this, but it helps explain some of the story and especially her strong negative reaction. If all she wanted out of this was ketamine and cock, why would she be so upset after? She got those in great quantity.
She's not totally wrong. Based on shared texts, male #1 invited her to the halloween party and seemed romantically interested in her as well as concerned about her general well being.
On point (3), I'm not sure how you can keep a 7 person gangbang in a frat house a secret, particularly when she also told her friends about it. But at least based on texts, Male #1 didn't talk about.
Her primary romantic interest seemed to do all the things you suggest. Unrelated people who never had sex with her called her a slut and disinvited her from parties.
Do we know which of the numbered parties sent the Snapchat message?
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Part of being modest is not doing gang bangs. Stated differently, the boys failed to help her lie that she was modest despite clearly being immodest.
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So to spell it out, in your view it was the unmet specific obligation of the fratboys involved to carefully conceal the incident from a) the sorority queen bee and her minions b) clueless male students of the same college whom the woman in question sees as potential future boyfriends/husbands.
If necessary/possible, otherwise at least plead in her favor and defend her from accusations and insinuations.
I see where you're coming from, and it does seem relevant here but "kissing can be fine, but kissing and telling is rape" is not, IMHO, a viable legal standard. Especially since I'm not aware of it being codified anywhere relevant here. It's dangerously close to ex post facto to criminalize actions based on words separated by months or years, unless it was considered a separate crime.
And if this was truly the standard, going on a nationwide media court-of-public-opinion press tour as part of your civil litigation strategy is, uh, not a good look either.
Of course, rape accusations are way beyond the pale as retaliation, and absolutely the law should be blind to the social games being played here. I'm just talking about why she was wronged which explains (but not excuse) why she reached for rape accusations.
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Don't you think that there is too high a bar for this level of conspiracy and coordination in this particular social setting?
It's their duty not to spread rumors, to attempt to smother the rumor if they hear it being spread, to downplay it ("we were all so high we barely were aware of what was happening so it's not like she just puts out for anyone") and plead her case to the frat and sorority leadership. If none of it worked, I would have considered Male 1 to be pretty much honorbound to get in a serious longterm relationship with her at least until they're out of education, to shield her from social consequences.
Of course, her deserving such consideration went out the window when the rape accusations went in. But it's fun to imagine a world where people aren't all scumbags.
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