The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Updates to let us know how you are doing. This provides valuable feedback on past advice / encouragement and will hopefully make people feel a little more motivated to follow through. If you want to be reminded to post your update, see the post titled 'update reminders', below.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
Jump in the discussion.
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My interest in being around other people and socializing is nearing an all-time low. I feel like I’m far more motivated by logic/rationality/truth-seeking/optimization than the people I meet in person. I also seem to care far less about social approval than the people I meet. I’m just not motivated or energized enough to play the social games to get positive attention IRL and social media likes. A lot of interactions just seem like I’m pretending to be interested in something so the person I’m interacting with can pretend to like me. Consequently, I don’t have very many friends and my career progress is slower than the people I graduated with.
I’m not motivated much by work anymore because even when I improve something and do an excellent job it doesn’t get me very far. I see people put way less effort and thought into things but they get promotions because they are good at playing the social games/office politics.
Outside of a few places on the internet, like here, I don’t feel like there are many spaces that I can have conversations that are intellectually stimulating to me. Most people just aren’t interested in discussing rationality concepts or contrarian ideas.
How can I become more interested in socializing with other people and playing the social games? I’m currently content spending a lot of time in solitude, but I feel like eventually this lifestyle will take a toll on my mental health. It is already causing me to become more cynical and jaded about humanity.
Just musing here, as I can’t offer personal experiences, but why not focus on all the (contingent) benefits and rewards that come with the “social game”? So, first, the pride in the mastery of the skill; the respect and/or envy of others; attention of the opposite sex. Secondly and secondarily, all of the things you can afford with more money; all the fun experiences you can afford with a great set of friends; all the boasting you can do on social media. I think if a man truly focuses on these things, his mind will naturally gravitate toward desiring them.
Perhaps, in actuality, social striving is exclusively for the superiority over others in social settings, and for boasting on social media, and that people genuinely seek these things with or without realizing (the fantasies run through the mind as second nature). An ultra-rationalist will have trouble here: observing his thoughts and inclinations, he sees these pursuits as immoral and neglects them — when in actuality they are essential to the “game” of living. Even if you were working in the most selfless charity trying to cure cancer, your real motivations will always be superiority over peers, the respect of others, the attention of beautiful prospective partners, and an assortment of contingent carnal pleasures. Why cure cancer if you won’t at least get to boast in front of some competitor or get the attention of some hot bald chick? Who would cure cancer without the possibility of commanding the attention of compatriots at a dinner party? The esteem of God is too far off to motivate us.
But anyway, if you’ve broken through the fourth wall of karmic contingencies, it’s hard to insert yourself back in. This is why societies used to distinguish the contemplative from the active life. I don’t think you can truly combine them.
The better you get at the “social game” the more people will expect you to continue playing it (and at a higher level). I do enjoy money, but if I were to become a manager instead of an individual contributor then I would have to spend much more of my time playing the “social game” with more people.
Since I dislike the “social game” I want to organize my life so that I don’t have to spend much time/effort playing it. I still want to optimize the amount of rewards I can get for the minimal amount effort that I’m willing to expend.
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