The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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I am faced with a novel and difficult situation at my place of employment. I recently discovered that a transwoman coworker of mine has developed a "crush" on me, and has been talking about me at length (at length here means for an hour+ a day, longer than any daily interaction I have with her) to other people in her personal life. I've already brought this to the attention of my immediate superior as well as to the hr department of my employer, not my first choice in a situation like this but there are some extra variables.
The reason this situation gets very very sticky, is these revelations all took place over the course of an evening where I received a series of texts painting a gruesome picture of this transwoman coworker being drugged, battered, and raped by a Fox News watching, misgendering MAGA supporter. Knowing just how many of these sensational stories don't pan out, I was skeptical but I provided guarded support, largely because I didn't want to see that she'd committed suicide and her phone showing a message to me left on read (engaging at all, I understand now, was a colossal mistake). As this evening of the alleged assault continued, every attempt I made to corroborate a single aspect of her story came up blank. It wrapped up when I received a handful of texts, culminating in a phone call, from my coworkers legacy wife (female) who clarified the timeline for me as well as the details I've mentioned above, as well as some extra background that I don't think I can share anywhere since it's pretty specific/identifying information.
Suffice to say, the picture painted by everything I could put together was one of a narcissist with a cratering need for attention and a willingness to lie about anything and everything in order to get it. I am deeply disturbed by all of this.
I have ideas for what my conversation with this coworker will have to be in order to establish some kind of professional boundaries and so that I don't have to deal with this kind of unhinged behavior in the future. I am, however, very much looking for any other advice I can get when it comes to this. I'll be talking to her tomorrow in a public place with people nearby, so any advice that comes in before then is extra appreciated. I'll be responding with clarifying details as necessary for the rest of today, but I'm also going to be quite busy so I won't be prompt in any way.
E: mods feel free to unshadowban me, thanks in advance.
On the off chance this is real, you have probably already screwed yourself. You've obviously internalized a script that made you vulnerable to this narcissist's manipulation strategy out of guilt and the need to feel like a good person. Still, the best chance you have right now is the following:
Do not meet with him. Do not contact him. Leave his texts unread. Lawyer up and have him draft you a complaint to HR, with an eye to signaling to HR that it would be a costly mistake to throw you under the bus.
Do not try to change his mind or "clear up misconceptions." He does not have a misunderstanding: he has an internal narrative in which you are an object that feeds his fetish of being valued and protected "as a real woman." When you contest this, he will switch to a different narrative and turn on you instantly. This will most likely be that you were a "chaser" sexually harassing him because he is an irresistibly beautiful woman. This is what he will report to HR if you destabilize his current obsession.
You already screwed up by interacting with this guy in any way, because your HR department will be pressured to take his side by two things. First, HR ladies natural hatred for cis-white-males and a desire to hurt them. Second, and most importantly, your corporation thirsts for ESG scores from leftist queer "rating organizations" that act as mafia bosses. Only one of you can cause a multi-million dollar lawsuit if the company throws you under the bus, and it's not you, regardless of how much fear your lawyer can put into them.
Again assuming this is real, you have an opportunity here to learn a very important lesson, but it is probably already too late to stop the fallout from this entirely preventable mistake.
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