The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Notes -
I have more updates from a previous situation. Things have escalated in a direction that I feel this may be more appropriate as an /r/drama post, but I don't go to such places, so I am here to share with you again.
Here was my last update
https://www.themotte.org/post/616/wellness-wednesday-for-august-2-2023/126205?context=8#context
What happened this week is that she posted in a facebook group of "World [obscure sport] players"
I am only minorly editing with []s what she said for some privacy:
We had a flurry of messages among the board to discuss this. Eventually we got the only woman on the board (and by far the coolest head among us) to send her a message that we had removed a bunch of emails from the list of people that are not in the area, and are not dues paying members. The problem lady then took the post down from facebook a few hours after being told that.
One of the other things I learned is that she told another board member (the one she accused of fat-shaming) that our board had caused her tons of stress in the last month and led to her to the point of a failed suicide attempt. That board member has been consulting with a lawyer. I'm consulting with you all. I feel there might be a different level of quality in the advice we receive.
The board member who spoke with a lawyer is now suggesting we implement a code of conduct and probably some other sets of rules. I would rather avoid this and just fall on the grenade and kick her out. Or not explicitly ban her from practice, but just let her know that she is unwelcome, but allowed to attend.
This is probably the part where I need some advice, probably from a psychiatrist rather than a lawyer. I know I am supposed to feel guilty or bad that she might kill her self due to my words. And that even if she does not kill her self, she will certainly feel like crap and have her emotions badly hurt. But I simply do not care. I haven't been able to find a speck of caring in myself for her plight. I am only slightly worried about showing that I pretend to care, just so people don't think I'm a sociopath. (I'm also pretty sure I am not a sociopath, I can feel quite deeply for other people, I get secondary embarrassment quite easily, cry at movies, and have felt physically nauseous watching my daughters go through pain).
I am perhaps seeing this lady as an enemy. And I really have no sympathy for enemies. She hasn't done much of anything against me personally, aside from be mildly annoying (but I put up with lots of behaviors that I find annoying in others). But she has harmed and attacked people I think of as my allies or 'my people' members of the club I am responsible for, and fellow members of the board. I find that what she does to piss off the other around me infuriates me the most, and has drained any remaining sympathy I might have once had.
tagging @TheDag and @Walterodim since they commented on the last update.
The fact that we have created a society in the West where an insane, weak and tiny (but growing) fraction of the population can bring the force of the legal system to bear on normal, healthy people for not catering to their desires is embarrassing and frankly quite scary. I'm sure @BurdensomeCount could back me up here with some more colorful language. And @self_made_human, I wonder if this trend is why cultivation novels/progression fantasy have become so popular recently? Extolling the virtues of strength in a world like ours is starting to make more and more sense.
I wouldn't be worried that you're a sociopath man. By our natures it make sense that you would feel some sympathy and compassion for her plight, but it's clear that she is trying to weaponize her weakness and the fact that your entire group isn't catering to her. She's basically someone who's weak, trying to get someone who's strong (the state) to punish you and yours for not doing her will. It's a messed up situation.
That being said, it's still good to act with pity towards people in her situation, even and especially our enemies. Whether or not you no longer feel sympathy on an emotional level, intellectually you can still recognize that she is probably suffering terribly. She's making bad choices and being immoral etc, but at least for me it helps to remind myself that at the end of the day she will reap what she's sown. People that go down her path don't tend to find happiness.
The annoying thing here is that it is more fear than actual ability to bring the legal system against us. We are not an employer we are a private club formed for the purposes of promoting local obscure sport. She isn't local and she is actively making it harder to recruit people, she is against the strict purpose of our organization.
She hasn't ever sued anyone as far as I know. Also fat shaming is not illegal. You could maybe make a case of hostile work environment if this was work, but it's not.
She seems to mostly be using emotional manipulation and Karen energies. Which are fully outside the legal system and only gain power if you grant them power.
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