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I think my sister in law might be an alcoholic. Not sure what to do. Her and my brother have three kids together.
Last weekend was my grandfather's funeral. At the service she started drinking wine, and getting through a few glasses pretty quickly. She then got in an argument with my brother about how she wanted to stay and go to the smaller party we were having with just close family. My brother was saying no, because he had been worried about this exact scenario, they'd only originally planned to stay for the service. She then suggested that he take the kids home and she could stay and get a ride home from our parents. Keep in mind, this is not her grandfather. She didn't know him particularly well either.
That was the latest incident. There are many more that start with some variation of "[sister in law] drank too much and then she ..."
That sounds more like a "your sister-in-law is a colossal jerk" problem than an alcohol problem, or at least an interaction between your sister-in-law's jerkitude and alcohol.
Having some, even a lot of, wine at a funeral isn't a big deal. Getting into a fight with your husband at his grandfather's funeral is, as is voluntelling your husband's parents to serve as your designated driver. That's an insane level of disrespect.
I'd be extremely perturbed if a brother or sister-in-law treated his or her parents that way, a grandparent's funeral that way. Much less my parents or grandparent. Maybe I'm slowly becoming a crochety socon boomer (and/or perhaps the Overton rug is shifting underneath me), but as an adult you should be on your best behavior around your family, especially any family-in-laws.
I've always disliked her. Tried to talk my brother into breaking up with before they were engaged. He kinda did, and then got back with her. I tried to ask him if he was really really sure he wanted to marry her. He said he loved her. My dad and I joked that if my brother changed his mind last minute we'd have the truck ready and high tail him out of the wedding. I'm not gonna tell me brother "I told ya so", but between you and me ... i fuckin told him so.
This lady is in her mid 30s and she has two lovely older siblings. Its not a generational thing, or a 'how she was raised' kind of thing. Its a her thing. I think before this incident I just really disliked her and thought of her as a jerk and responsible for all her crappy behavior. This seemed beyond her normal level of being annoying and petty that it finally got me to stop and think "is this alcoholism?"
In line with @raggedy_anthem 's point, and your point: It might not be strictly medically alcoholism. But yeah I get a strong sense that if alcohol wasn't in the picture things would be better.
Alcoholism, despite the stereotype, almost always has an emotional component which, if resolved, removes the driving compulsion to drink, though not always the urge.
Behaviorism has identified four drivers of behavior: attention, escape, access, and sensation. Some memory in her past, I’m guessing, carries a stressful semantic meaning which makes her feel she is required to escape. By my experiences, probably an initial event and a reinforcing event.
Honestly all of those sound valid for her.
She does seem to crave attention in social situations. She is a consummate extrovert.
She has complained enough about my brother that the rumors have reached me, even though I am in a totally different social circle and live two hours away. She thinks of him as emotionally unavailable. So escaping that.
Access to social interaction that she seems to desperately crave.
And feeling something. (maybe sensation is a stretch for her)
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