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PaperclipPerfector  5mo ago (text post)   4074 thread views

Small-Scale Question Sunday for November 5, 2023

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[Epistemic status - totally conjecturing] Has anyone else noticed that women these days refers to their husbands as their "best friends"? I hear it in every wedding vow I've heard from the millennial generation. Was this the case before our generation? Is this the case in more conservative places? I guess I always felt like this is emblematic of marriage becoming less religious and less sacred (i.e. it's just a fun thing I'm doing with my best friend as opposed to a sacred vow I undertake in the eyes of God). Also women are married to the state to such a degree that they don't need men anymore, so marriage has just been relegated to "just for funsies!"

Alternatively, maybe everyone's always referred to their SO as their best friend throughout history, and I'm just wildly projecting.

Yes, and I don't really like it.

I'm a nerdy and sporty guy who has stereotypically male interests and hobbies. There aren't enough women with the same inclinations for all men like me to marry their best friend.

I gave up on finding a woman like that and "settled" for someone who is very feminine. We talk freely with each other, sometimes for hours, but she's not my best friend. The camaraderie I have with close guy friends is different. For my liking, she and I spend probably too much of our free time together. Partially that's because we moved to a new country and are having trouble making new friends, but also it's because she has largely absorbed the idea of marrying your best friend, and wants to do more activities together.

We don't have children yet, so I want to spend more of my weekends and spare time in the mountains with other men (no homo), and less in a crowded cafe. Not exclusively of course; sometimes it's nice to be in the city with her, and sometimes she'll come into the mountains with me, but it's not the same.

When we were still dating, she once said "I don't care if you spend the whole day outside without me; I just want you back here sleeping beside me at the end of the day". I'm not sure that attitude has persisted.

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