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[Epistemic status - totally conjecturing] Has anyone else noticed that women these days refers to their husbands as their "best friends"? I hear it in every wedding vow I've heard from the millennial generation. Was this the case before our generation? Is this the case in more conservative places? I guess I always felt like this is emblematic of marriage becoming less religious and less sacred (i.e. it's just a fun thing I'm doing with my best friend as opposed to a sacred vow I undertake in the eyes of God). Also women are married to the state to such a degree that they don't need men anymore, so marriage has just been relegated to "just for funsies!"
Alternatively, maybe everyone's always referred to their SO as their best friend throughout history, and I'm just wildly projecting.
I've explicitly told my wife that we are not friends. If we were in the same social circle, we probably wouldn't be very close since our interests only overlap a little. We're attracted to each other physically and romantically, and also through the camaraderie developed from building a family together.
I don't like the casualness that the word "friend" implies. I don't think husbands and wives should be as casual with each other as male friends are. I've been in relationships like that and it definitely cheapened and degraded them.
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I don't think being the best friend is necessary, and it's probably the same "best" as telling your partner they are the most beautiful person in the world, but I think being a good friend is necessary, especially now when marriage is a much more egalitarian relationship even when the husband is the sole breadwinner.
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Yes, and I don't really like it.
I'm a nerdy and sporty guy who has stereotypically male interests and hobbies. There aren't enough women with the same inclinations for all men like me to marry their best friend.
I gave up on finding a woman like that and "settled" for someone who is very feminine. We talk freely with each other, sometimes for hours, but she's not my best friend. The camaraderie I have with close guy friends is different. For my liking, she and I spend probably too much of our free time together. Partially that's because we moved to a new country and are having trouble making new friends, but also it's because she has largely absorbed the idea of marrying your best friend, and wants to do more activities together.
We don't have children yet, so I want to spend more of my weekends and spare time in the mountains with other men (no homo), and less in a crowded cafe. Not exclusively of course; sometimes it's nice to be in the city with her, and sometimes she'll come into the mountains with me, but it's not the same.
When we were still dating, she once said "I don't care if you spend the whole day outside without me; I just want you back here sleeping beside me at the end of the day". I'm not sure that attitude has persisted.
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Haven't been to any weddings for a while now, but my own parents both used this term when referring to one another in separate books I had them write in where they chronicled their lives. Dad died age 90 and he outlived her a few years. I don't think this is evidence against a possible cultural "trend" of making such references, but it's at least suggestive that making such a statement isn't unheard of. They married in 1966.
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It's definitely something I've noticed. I think there are three reasons. Firstly, we put more weight on our spouses as our main/only social outlet. People had more friends in the past, so marriage was able to fill a different niche.
Plus, since cohabitation and marriage have become uncoupled, getting married is more of a symbolic choice. Therefore it's more necessary to emphasise how suited the couple are too each other.
Finally, in the past, most couples didn't write their own vows, they just used the traditional church vows. And the lord doesn't care about you 'marrying your best friend'.
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I have seen a huge uptick in this, but not just from women.
Time will tell if this is a dumb millennial thing, but I do see the value in tying yourself to someone you genuinely enjoy hanging out with. I feel like a lot of boomer marriages seem profoundly un-fun, with no shared hobbies or sense of humor.
People say men and women can't be friends. I disagree with that personally. I think it's important for a partner.
Then again on the downside it can be used as an excuse to just hang out with your significant other and nobody else indefinitely.
I believe the actual claim is that men and women can’t be just friends. So, it is indeed possible for a man and a woman to develop a close friendship, but only if they’re attracted to each other, at which point that friendship will either escalate to a relationship, or fall apart when one party (usually the woman) romantically rejects the other party.
We're clearly all operating off of different assumptions, because I would have said that maintaining male-female relationships is much easier when the guy isn't attracted to the woman.
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I disagree with even that. I wouldn't be happy only talking to men-as-friends in my life. I still try to curate and maintain relationships with women, most of which have no attraction component either direction (or low enough level to be totally unremarkable)
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