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Wellness Wednesday for November 15, 2023

The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:

  • Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.

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I recently stumbled on this LessWrong post about self-love that piqued my interest: https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/BfTW9jmDzujYkhjAb/you-are-probably-underestimating-how-good-self-love-can-be

... I, like a lot of my peers, especially software folks, experience a lot of internal self-criticism and self-loathing. I would absolutely love to change this, but finding the right playbook for fundamentally changing your relationship with yourself is challenging, to put it lightly. I'm trying to figure out what an effective "30-days of self-love" would look like to go and change the direction of the ship.

Practices like metta or any of the other brahmaviharas are no panacea at all, as a lot of the western meditative footguns fundamentally block successful performance, particularly:

  • Focusing on the intention of well-wishing over the feeling is quite difficult, intention is subtle compared to feeling. It's very easy to accidentally go and do mantra meditation on the phrases, or get overly focused on feeling or body sensation.
  • It's quite easy to go and over effort metta compared to something like anapanasati. The effort, at least in my case, is difficult to actually debug since it feels like a fundamental belief issue ("you have to try for things that are worthwhile").
  • Metta (and meditation broadly) can be extremely reinforcing of old patterns and of self-centeredness generally. I've seen several friends, independently into meditation [as seemingly everyone is nowadays], come back in these really self-centered states.

... that's not even mentioning the problems with certain courses (like Finder's course) and orgs (Dhamma Sukha, the TWIM camp, loves making false, and frankly delusional claims about their method).

I've tried therapy a couple times, but the expense is killer, and I have a lot of trouble with the whole "you need to do this for years or months to see any small tangible benefit" paradigm. In fact, a lot of the therapists I've seen seem like they're much more interested in keeping therapy going versus helping me and potentially losing my business. I've tried ACT/CBT/REBTs therapies, IFS, somatic therapy, and in our therapy-as-a-universal positive society tend to try again every several years, but I always get the ick from the experience every single time and eventually fizzle out. Last time I tried IFS, I did it for 9 months but couldn't say that any behavior was any different.

I honestly wonder whether, as an adult, it's possible for me to go and change something as fundamental as my relationship with myself, but if it is, I'd really love to go and try. I think others are much better at doing something without seeing the tangible benefits, I just can't go and do something every day without seeing some kind of improvement over weeks and months.

This is a lot of words and all quite complicated. In my experience it is a "simple" habit modification.

You have an established habit of negative self talk that has become second nature.

I'm running late for the dentist. Why am I so useless at everything?

The first step is to just become more aware of this reflex.

I'm running late for the dentist. Why am I so useless at everything? Oh, there's the negative self-talk reflex.

Once you are aware of it, you can practice reframing or rephrasing, and talk to yourself like you would a friend.

I'm running late for the dentist. Why am I so useless at everything? Oh that's negative self talk. Actually it's no big deal. People are sometimes late for things and I was busy with work.

And then you can stop yourself as you have the negative response

I'm running late for the dentist. Why am I so -- actually it's not a big deal. I'm good.

And then you just jump to the healthy response

I'm running late for the dentist. It's no big deal. Can't wait to get dinner afterwards.

Each step is building a habit, and like any habit requires a bit of effort and mindfulness to start with, but gets easier with time. It shouldn't take years, probably closer to a week or two for each stage. I probably isn't Nick Cammarata MDMA-fuelled self love, but is a good way of getting you out of these automatic negative thought patterns.

It's not really obvious to me that the latter is healthier than the former. Responding to all things with serene indifference seems like a pretty shitty and even self-centred way to proceed through life. I guess it's just part and parcel of the way that people tend to pathologize negative thoughts and negativity as being 'unhealthy'.

Plus, I personally find as a negative self-talker that acknowledging my negative self-talk reflexes just makes it worse. Now instead of thinking about whatever bad event set me off, I'm thinking about how stupid and irrational and unhealthy and undisciplined I am for engaging in negative self-talk.

Reframing negative thoughts means detaching from the part of your self that generates these negatives thoughts. You won't end up "responding to all things with serene indifference" because what you are detaching from is your inner thoughts and not the outside world.

Nor is it about pathologizing negative thoughts. In fact, the primary thing that changes is that you start dealing with them head on:

  • Step 0: avoid activities in life because they cause you negative emotions (e.g. I won't go to the party because nobody wants to hang out with me) and instead numb yourself using drugs, alcohol, video games, social media etc. Since you didn't accomplice anything you now start to form this habit of generating negative thoughts that explain your behavior (e.g. nobody wants to be friends with me)
  • Step 1: become aware of this cognitive trap and try to instead suppress your negative thoughts (e.g. I will go to the party even knowing that this will make me anxious and panicky and I will try my best)
  • Step 2: cognitively reframe and realize that your negative thoughts are an ingrained habit that isn't useful for you and try to change it (e.g. I will go to the party because I am good enough that there will be some people to talk to and hang out with)

You'll still experience emotions and thoughts about things in the world. But now you will be in a better position to respond to them in the way that you want.

Watch this video: Why it's Actually Valuable to be Detached

I don't think this really rings true. Yes, relentless negative thoughts are unpleasant to deal with. But they don't cause me to avoid activities. I still regularly go the gym or go to work even if it feels terrible or if it's a tremendous effort.