The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Long term lurker looking for some Wednesday Wellness advice.
I broke up with my girlfriend of 6 years a few weeks ago. The core reason was that I wanted to meet other people - she was my first and only relationship and while what we had was amazing in many ways, I couldn't shake the thought that I might be missing out on more. If I'm going to marry and have kids with someone I want to be damn sure that they're the right person, and I wasn't. I decided to throw away an incredibly stable and largely happy relationship for the chance of something even better. I felt that if I didn't I would live with regret, or just end up breaking up later down the road, which could be even worse. I'm worried this makes me seem selfish and naive.
I've never broken up or been broken up with (again, first relationship), but boy are they fucking hard! She moved out of my place and I don't see or talk with her any more, but I'm paradoxically still surrounded by her every day. I'll drive past restaurants we used to eat at, hear songs we used to listen to, see things in my house that remind me of her. I remind myself this is what I wanted, it's not like this new reality was thrust upon me without my consent, but it's sometimes hard to remember why I wanted it in the first place. I'm wondering if losing her was the only way to make me realize how much I needed her in my life.
Time heals all wounds and I know things will only get easier, but I haven't let go of her yet. And I'm not willing to let go quite yet either, which means things may get even harder before they get easier.
Just musings now, I'm continuing to think and reflect the next few weeks. Happy to answer any questions or take feedback/thoughts from folks.
I agree with @self_made_human; you fucked up pretty seriously imo. I realize that you're not feeling the best and I'm sorry to pile on more, but you need to realize this now so that the next time you have someone good you don't set them aside because "what if I can do even better".
My wife and I have discussed this topic because I was in a similar boat as you - she was the first woman I ever dated, and I had to make a call as to whether I should pursue other options just to see what's out there. She, on the other hand, had dated many men over the years before meeting me. I mentioned to her (long after we got married) that I faced this choice, and basically there are two salient points she made based on her perspective:
It was good for me that I chose to not set her aside, because at minimum she would've started dating others and who knows where things go from there. More likely she would not have considered a relationship with me again.
Having dated many people she was able to gain perspective on just how many losers are out there. You're doing decently if you just find someone who is a good person even if they aren't good for you, let alone finding someone who is a good person and also good for you. So basically, if you hit that mark on the first try, be grateful because you saved yourself a whole lot of trouble.
If by some miracle your old girlfriend would take you back, I would suggest that. If she won't, then definitely don't make this same mistake again next time.
Or alternatively stick with her while you secretly search for someone who is a good person as well as is good for you. Now this is not an honourable thing to do, but there is no honour left in the modern west and I would not judge a man additionally for doing this beyond what I would judge any normal man who accepts and lives by the modern western belief system uncritically.
I suppose you can just marry the first four (or ten). You can fuck them as children, or murder men to marry their wives. Plus all the sex slaves. That would be the honourable thing in your religion, as per your prophet.
While @BurdensomeCount is clearly trolling for reactions, you're still to blame for being so willing to take the bait and swallow it whole, and this was pure personal attack. You've been banned four times previously for this sort of thing. I'm making it two weeks this time, only because I am feeling the Christmas spirit.
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