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This isn't fun, more wellness, but I am going to abuse the immense power invested in me by virtue of being an admin and post here anyway.
How do I become more independent?
I speak in a very general sense. For an Indian kid, your life is set out on rails by your parents till high school, at which point your intelligence and diligence will determine what career you land, your college further constraining your options, until you end up in a life that proceeds with getting promoted, married, kids, and then dead.
But I am a homebody. It reflects on how deeply I hate the circumstances of my life that I am willing to throw so much away to leave it all behind. My parents, who I couldn't ask more of (other than having gotten my ADHD treated when I had begged them to), my dogs, my comfortable house and ailing grandpa, with whom every year apart is a non-negligible chance I'll never see him again.
But I lack drive. Curiosity? Yes. Intelligence? A quite decent level of it, if not world shattering. But so far my life has been railroaded along, with my only real choices being to either study hard or not, at least till the end of med school. I did take charge once, brushed myself into shape, proved, both to the GMC and to myself that I am a competent doctor. Or at least I did that as the first of many more times to come.
And now I feel adrfit. I can't go the country I wish to dwell in more than my own, that forms the earliest childhood memories of mine (unless I join the other illegal immigrants headed to El Salvador), I am forced to confront a mediocre life in a country that is in visible decline, hoping it beats the comforts of home (and the horrors of postgraduate training here).
I see people doing things out of sheer tenacity and drive, whereas I've mostly done things because I had to, or because I find the default path unbearable.
I don't want to live alone. It seems overwhelming. I don't want a job that saps me of all my energy and interest in doing anything else, let alone doing that while giving yet more exams.
I feel, for the lack of a better word, broken. I was moderately depressed, a feeling kept at bay through overwork and stimulant consumption in the hopes I'd achieve a brighter future, but they're dimming the lights as I speak. Shutting doors ahead of me as soon as I stepped through the ones behind.
If you think the stimulants help with that? A little, I guess. I wouldn't have made it through med school or all the exams since without them. But it doesn't solve the problem I see of being entirely unmoored, and I am not quite ready to resign myself to this life. Ritalin does not make what I've spoken of seem any less daunting. And the anti-depressants didn't work in the first place, and I tried a bunch of them.
I want the energy to explore alternatives. I want a job that pays well and treats me like I'm a skilled professional. I want to run a house without feeling overwhelmed and letting it go to rot. I want to be a father, and a good one, an even better one than my dad was to me, because he sacrificed his life outside medicine to give me the option of choice later.
If anyone has any advice, please share. My tether, while not quite fraying, gets ever tauter. I want executive function god fucking dammit, and nothing has helped. I just want something to look forward to, a route to a world where I can be, if not happy, content.
Are there any other countries you can go to that, even if they're not your first choice of the US, are still better than your current option?
See, the same reason that I can't go to the US also locks me out of Australia, New Zealand and Canada.
It boils down to a single US company/non-profit that accreditates international med schools. Mine happens to meet the legal requirements for India, namely being recognized by our national regulator, but they skimped out on this one, since barring me and a handful of others, few of the previous graduates had any aspirations for going abroad, and those that did chose the UK. This was something I wasn't aware of when I joined, or I'd have dropped a year and tried for someplace better.
So imagine my gut-wrenching horror, years down the line, when I discover I'm locked out of the States, with no recourse short of the med school getting certified, and retroactively too to cover my batch. Which might still be possible. I consoled myself by thinking surely the UK can't be that bad right? But the more I learn about it, including from interacting with the locals, the lower my opinion of it goes.
In terms of alternatives, well, there's Germany and Hong Kong, maybe a few other weird places. None I wish to live in, for one reason or another.
At any rate, the UK still holds some pointless and misplaced sense of pride about its place on the world stage, hence them ignoring that US organization for the large part, even if they're used to verify the credentials of applicants. So that does so far seem the best option.
There might be some places like the Middle East, but I would despise living there, and I need to get more credentials under my belt before it's worth the effort.
How hard is it to get the credentials now?
So far, the ECFMG has been less than helpful, including when my med school reached out to them, but in my personal correspondence, they told me that it was possible, including retroactively certifying me and the other graduates if there was conclusive evidence we met the same standards.
I have been busy with work and studying for the UK, but the moment I get a time to breathe, I'll try and corral a bunch of my juniors and pressure the Admin, though I have tried before, it was only just a handful of us, and I've heard the kids are far more keen on getting the fuck out of here than my complacent peers.
All hope is not lost. I just don't know how much remains.
Is there any way to get a degree with another medical school within a reasonable amount of time?
Is it possible? With enormous difficulty, maybe.
Most people don't end up in the peculiar situation I find myself in, so there's no streamlined route for it. "I'm dissatisfied with the med school I went to, I want to do the whole thing again at a better one" is an extremely weird thing to do, so nobody does it, at most people might end up transferred while in their course. Or study extra hard to get into a good training program, which I am doing, but it doesn't solve the root problem.
I believe even having a medical degree makes you ineligible to apply again, at least in India. Because why would you do that?? And in the US, well, getting into med school is tough enough, I doubt my rationale would convince the committees.
The closest is say, someone who is a refugee. Maybe your med school in Ukraine/Syria/Gaza got blown up, so you plead your case directly and potentially have some requirements waived. My med school is sadly very much intact, it just hasn't done something that is simultaneously expected and also optional.
But even if I could, I don't think it's a good idea. First of all, repeating med school would suck. More importantly, at the bare minimum that's 4 years gone, maybe 5 or 6. I'm already worried about being made obsolete before I finish my full training! There's no way to just fast track med school, and even alternative/parallel careers like nursing/PAs take time, and while I bitched about PAs before, I don't think becoming one is a net positive.
In a very different universe, say if I was to jump back in time a decade, that might be something I could begrudgingly consider, but right now? I'm sure you see why it's a bad idea, at least if you agree with the issue of AI and unemployment.
You could go for a masters or something and do research?
I have considered that, but thank you for suggesting it. The main issue is that a Masters would take about 2 years, and research doesn't pay well, be it in the UK or US.
In a vaccum, I don't think it would have been a bad idea, but for example, I think a Masters in Data Science probably needs more in the way of previous experience, so does something like ML/CS.
They all cost money, they all take time, and while I can grudgingly handle the former, I can feel the clock ticking.
Something like stats or CS could help, maybe in me making a lateral move from medicine to pharmaceuticals, in some kind of advisory or managerial role, but even then the competition is getting stiff.
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