The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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Requests for advice and / or encouragement. On basically any topic and for any scale of problem.
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Advice. This can be in response to a request for advice or just something that you think could be generally useful for many people here.
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Encouragement. Probably best directed at specific users, but if you feel like just encouraging people in general I don't think anyone is going to object. I don't think I really need to say this, but just to be clear; encouragement should have a generally positive tone and not shame people (if people feel that shame might be an effective tool for motivating people, please discuss this so we can form a group consensus on how to use it rather than just trying it).
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26 M. Sometimes I have trouble maintaining an erection with the girl I’m seeing. I’m very attracted to her, but when the moment comes to put the condom on, I get anxious and lose it. I’ve abstained from masturbating for a few days before seeing her and it still happens—other times I’m fine but we can’t have sex for various reasons. We haven’t had sex yet because of this.
This is seriously fucking with my head and very embarrassing. The last relationship I was in I had no issues with this. I think I’m just worried about the actual act itself for some reason (is this performance anxiety??) and need to cool my head.
Health and well-being is fine: I haven’t watched porn in two months (it was a bad habit so maybe something to do with it?); I eat healthily; I exercise vigorously daily; I get sufficient sleep; I’ve had a vasectomy and she’s on birth control so no pregnancy worry; I masturbate every 2-3 days.
Any ideas or suggestions on this?
Hm, I'm no expert on this, but what's the longest you've abstained before attempting? My intuition is that 2-3 days just isn't all that long to build up... whatever it is that gets built up. I'd consider abstaining a minimum of a week, perhaps 2+, before the next attempt. If sexual times with her happens more often than that, then just stop masturbating altogether; you seem to have enough self control to quit porn for 2+ months, after all. And if you know that the only way you're getting off is with her, your body might find the motivation to step up at the opportunity.
Thanks. That’s a fair point. I’ll abstain until the next time we hang out like that.
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