The Wednesday Wellness threads are meant to encourage users to ask for and provide advice and motivation to improve their lives. It isn't intended as a 'containment thread' and any content which could go here could instead be posted in its own thread. You could post:
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I like to (or used to like to) call this (or some version of this) the Diamond Jim syndrome. I don't know who Diamond Jim is but when I came up with that term it seemed to fit. The Diamond Jim syndrome is pretty well defined by the following attitude:
If I may--and very possibly I may not, without being rude--It's possible you may be just a bit complacent and self-satisfied here. I am not suggesting this girl is without affection for you, not at all, but there's a dynamic here you're unaware of, possibly. You feel this way (beloved by her, beatified, desired) because for whatever amazing lucky reason she makes you feel this way.
Let me explain. And, in the explaining, I would encourage you to keep in the forefront of your brain that I might be wrong: This girl probably does love you lots. You're sweet, smart, and cute, just like what girls used to write in my school yearbooks (are yearbooks still a thing? I don't even know). But you feeling it, you knowing you are loved, that is a result of her efforts. It is very possible to be in a relationship where all the parts seem to function but you do not viscerally feel that you are loved--sometimes you even feel the opposite, that you are despised and contemptible, despite the fact that your other half seems to nevertheless stay with you. Feeling great and loved then is a reflection not just on you and your lucky self, but on the considerable talent and grace of this girl. Whom you now are considering (airily though your considering may be) ditching for some (I was going to write skank, then goth loli, but have settled on) sylph who might get your rocks off.
The fact is the girl you're seeing long distance may or may not see you as, in the words of my late father, "having hung the moon." She might like you lots, yes, but keep the following in mind: If and when she changes her mind, she will be far, far less sentimental about the break-up than you will be On the contrary, she'll walk away and never give you another thought and you'll be sitting alone thinking What just happened.
I want you to now enact a little mental exercise where you imagine just that scenario: You send a text (because you can't be bothered to live close to your beat friend/partner who loves you) and you brace yourself for the long sprawling message beseeching you to stay, stay. What you get instead is static. It sits on unread. You are blocked on social media--or maybe not? Maybe she was kidnapped and disappeared and moved away, etc etc. You suddenly, far too late, realize the folly of your mistake and send an apology. This also sits unread. You maybe try a, b, and c if whatever other scrambling to undo what's been done, but all this will be a waste of time. Because it's over.
But, but, she loved you! She would never leave you! You were practically soulmates. Yes, yes, she did, she wouldn't, and you were. And now she's gone and she ain't coming back, ever. Good luck with the casual sex.
All of the above may be wrong, but if experience is any teacher (and often it isn't) you can probably get something of value by rereading. I am not saying you'll change your mind. If you were using your mind this wouldn't be an issue. You're not using your mind. Diamond Jim never does. Diamond Jim sees the greener grass everywhere. He is full of confidence that he has but to seek and he will find. And he feels that way (which isn't a bad way to feel, of course) because he is puffed up with sexual confidence. Nevermind that he gained this confidence because he has a stable, supportive relationship.
Anyway. My train has arrived Good luck
Bang-on. When I was younger and stupider, and closer to OP's age, I'd stumble into relationships that felt so easy and natural. And then I'd expect to be able to do that all the time, and the grass beyond the fence would start looking pretty damn green. Of course it wouldn't work like that, and I spent a lot of time single.
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